Hello! I don’t know what exactly to do, it’s hard for me to live. She’s pretty, slender, but I consider myself a “pathetic nonentity” - my self-esteem is very low.
Due to lack of self-confidence, I walk down the street all tense, crooked, my gait is unnatural, it becomes easier to walk only if I take alcohol (which is very rare) or if some emotion is pleasant.
There are no friends, only acquaintances, but there is also alienation with them. I don’t communicate with anyone at work; often, due to tightness, I can’t even say hello or goodbye, because... I’m afraid to “distract”, I’m embarrassed by my presence.
Only with a few can I relax for a while and be a “normal person”: I communicate, have fun, etc. But there is still alienation...
I don’t know where to go, not to a monastery (although I had an idea). No one needs me so unsociable! And if I need someone, I still wouldn’t be able to give him anything, because... I don’t know what another person might “need” and I’m always afraid of doing something wrong.
It’s as if I’m the odd one out among all of you people (this is not disdain, it’s just my perception of myself among people - I don’t feel like I’m like them). Maybe these are signs of schizophrenia, I don’t know. But, I'm unhappy.
In general, there are a lot of complexes, it takes a long time to tell, and who the hell needs me! (Self-pity, yes, I know...) No one will help. Nobody needs me!
Rate:
anya-k, age: 23 / 03/06/2012
Responses:Anya, I recommend seeing a psychologist. Something like this comes from childhood, for sure. You need to find out all this, because “a problem found is a problem half solved.”
Besides, Anya, have you ever thought that narcissism and high self-esteem on the one hand, and self-deprecation and low self-esteem on the other hand, are actually two sides of the ONE coin? And all this is called selfishness, pride. After all, by saying that “I seem to be the odd one out among you people,” you subconsciously show that you are not like the others. But people are all different, interesting, with their own pros and cons, and so on.
Anya, I really wish you to deal with your fears and complexes. A lot of people really need you. Sometimes you just need to go the extra mile and be ready for life in society. And don’t forget about prayer, you will find great support and wisdom in this.
Laura, age: 30 / 03/07/2012
Hello Anya. Congratulations on the bright holiday, March 8! You are just like the rest of us. Complexes are inherent in an unfulfilled person. Do you have hobbies or interests? Maybe sports? You yourself write that you have no problems with your appearance. Realize yourself in something and it will be easier for you to realize yourself in the rest. Self-esteem can be raised - my own experience. You need to start educating yourself. Develop the power of the Spirit and the power of Will. Do not hurry. Move gradually and you will see that the world will change. Try to understand why you have low self-esteem? Problems in the family, in childhood, at school, some kind of conflicts, quarrels can be the reason for this. Maybe it's heredity. But don't despair! Look at the world around you - there are people who really feel bad. Disabled people, orphans, homeless people, sick people. After all, you can see this beautiful world, hear these wonderful sounds, breathe deeply, walk, run and much more! Isn't this happiness? You need to work on yourself. Don't try to change in 1 day. Gradually, you will succeed, I know from my own experience.
Good luck to you, God bless you.
Sincerely.
P.S. I would advise not to drink alcohol. :)
Sergey Tyan, age: 15 / 03/08/2012
You know, anya-k, when I was young, I was also uptight, tense, unsociable, and I was terribly embarrassed to meet girls. I also didn’t communicate with anyone, I was afraid of everything and wanted to get to a desert island or the taiga. And now I am the complete opposite, or rather, I have become myself, I have become natural. But it all turned out simple: I had a hobby - books. And so, in search of interesting books, I went into the church shop and... based on one book title I found what I was missing, and then I came back for more. Then I bought a prayer book, started going to services, confessed, and took communion. Now I not only communicate calmly with everyone, but I’ve also learned to sing, and I can read poetry in public, I’m no longer shy about expressing my feelings (positive :)). I’ve overestimated a lot of things in life. Try it, maybe it will help you too. I highly recommend it.
Golden eagle, age: 40 / 03/14/2012
Hello Anya. Here’s the thing... in general, two years ago I was like this. Now I’m 20. I was terribly constrained. Not sociable, complex. And all this really comes from childhood. I won’t say that I’ve already changed radically. BUT I’M IN THE PROCESS. at first everything was ok. I didn’t even decide to go on dates right away. It was hard. Suddenly I don’t like you or I say something wrong or I don’t find anything to talk about. Now everything is different. I can easily invite a guy. But I want to say that I’m far from beautiful. That’s not the main thing. more confidence. and accept him as an equal. It’s no worse! I’m just very familiar with this whole situation. I’ll write to you again. If you don’t mind, of course) by the way, I didn’t have girlfriends for 2 years. I found them at the university. And I’m grateful Allah for the other. take a closer look, there are probably people who are not indifferent to you. good luck Anyut. It's not all bad. If you love yourself, others will love you.
Hakuna Matata, age: 20 / 30.03.2012
Don't be upset, the world is full of people like you. I believe that when you find a guy, he will understand you and there you will have a family.
and everything will gradually improve, the main thing is to be more confident in yourself and that’s it.
max, age: 11 years / 05/14/2014
I’m 33, today I was leaving work and thinking the same thing, literally the same thing, for no apparent reason. Uselessness. It will be an evening of self-pity, you want to turn off the lights and cry. And I don't care at all
It would prevent the same pathetic person nearby to cry together. But doesn’t this feeling ultimately make you move, do, search and change? You are Anya now for two and a half years
older, and probably everything has been fine with you for a long time. And for now I will give my sadness full force. There is no joy without sadness, right?
Yura, age: 33 / 11/27/2014
Now I read what I wrote - it’s as if I didn’t write it, it’s even funny.
Not much has changed since then, but attitudes have changed.
There is no joy without sadness - I agree. But “sadness” is often condemned in society; in some situations, a sad, “non-positive” person can arouse suspicion. You have to pretend. Is it really
It’s normal to pretend all the time... I don’t know how and I don’t intend to. “Positive, sociable, cheerful” people themselves are afraid of sad people. Everything around me is somehow insincere, unreal, I feel
tension, confused.
Although it often happens that it’s almost the same. But indifference is worse than sadness.
Oh well (good mood).
P.S. It’s a pity there is no feedback on the site from those who answered, sometimes I want to burst into tears with someone who will understand.)
Thanks to everyone who responded. Everything is fine.
Anya, age: 25 / 12/03/2014
Find out what kind of person other people want you to be and try to be like that. If it doesn’t work, think about who the person is closest to you (not counting your family) and try to improve your relationship with him. So you
Perhaps you will then do the same with other people and you will have a good group of friends.
I hope I helped make life better! I wish you happiness!
Low self-esteem - “I am worthless.” What to do about it?
If many talented people had not had their self-esteem low, had not been trampled and distorted (often even in childhood) - they would have achieved much more in life and would have given the world many more benefits!
Low Self-Esteem is one of the first and most powerful obstacles on a person’s path to Success and Happiness! Often a person doesn’t even realize that his self-esteem is low and he could do a lot more!
It is especially difficult to live and enjoy life for people who were bullied throughout their childhood - “you’re a loser”, you’re worthless”, “nothing good will come of you”, etc.
You need to get your self-esteem in order! Make you strong, positive and invulnerable!
Low self-esteem/I'm worthless. What to do about it?
Most people, even to a first approximation, do not understand how much their life, their state of happiness, everything they achieve and potentially can have, directly depends on their self-esteem.
The essence of self-esteem is the attitude towards oneself: is it negative or positive? Does a person believe in himself or not? Does he respect or despise? Is he weak and vulnerable or strong and invulnerable?
Let me remind you that if a person does not believe in himself, he will not even dare to dream of achieving any significant goals and peaks in life. If he doesn’t respect himself, doesn’t love himself, he won’t even give himself the right joy and happiness and will bypass all opportunities to become happy.
Even if a person has great, high life goals, but he has low self-esteem, he will never achieve them if he does not level up his self-esteem, learn to love and respect himself, appreciate and protect his dignity and life values.
Low self-esteem, a feeling of one’s own insignificance is one of the first and greatest obstacles to one’s happiness and success in any field, no matter what it concerns. Because like attracts like: the worthy attracts the worthy, the insignificant - the insignificant!
What is low self-esteem and the “I’m worthless” program?
Low Self-Esteem is an inadequately negative attitude towards oneself, one’s soul, body, and destiny. And this negative attitude is always somehow justified, but the problem is that in these justifications there are a lot of errors and extremes (misconceptions).
- this is: A) A negative attitude towards oneself(dislike, self-hatred) B) Lack of self-confidence C) Vulnerability, dependence, weakness(not the ability to protect yourself and your Honor, what is dear)
It is common for people who have low self-esteem not to see or recognize their merits (good qualities, achievements, etc.), and to greatly exaggerate their shortcomings and problems, blaming themselves for them, saying to themselves: “I’m bad”, “I’m a loser”, “I’m worthless”, “I won’t succeed” and so on. This attitude towards oneself is self-deception and absolutely unfair! This will not lead to anything good except the destruction of yourself and your life.
A person who does not see and does not recognize his merits is doomed, he has nothing to rely on in life, he has no self-respect, he will not retain anything worthy and will not be able to protect it. In addition, people with low self-esteem are almost always sufferers; they fill their souls with the negative energy of suffering, worries and pain, since they are internally confident that suffering is their fate, and they will not see happiness.
But in fact, they simply receive what they believe in, what they have cultivated and strengthened in themselves all their lives - "To each according to his faith...".
Where does low self-esteem come from?
Most often this is the result of upbringing and parental programming. On the one side, children copy the programs, beliefs, attitudes, lifestyles of their parents and loved ones. That is, if a mother, for example, has low self-esteem and regularly eats herself away, then the daughter, most often, will have the same internal inclinations and habits.
On the other side, parents and those who most influence the formation of the child’s personality (including teachers at school) often themselves, unconsciously or purposefully, form low self-esteem in the child, calling him bad words like - “You’re stupid”, “You’re mediocrity”, “Nothing will come of you”, “You’re disgusting”, etc.
And if such negative seeds were sown in childhood, during the period of upbringing, then the person himself, as a rule, finishes himself off, cheats, castigates, blames and destroys. And if this process is not stopped in time, the negativity grows on itself like a snowball, bringing destruction, failure and suffering to a person.
Therefore it is very important: 1. Stop the process of self-destruction and self-underestimation. 2 Start removing negative programs - the basis of low self-esteem. 3. Build a strong positive self-esteem that is invulnerable in all respects.
Esoteric reasons. It happens that the Soul already comes into this life with low self-esteem, which was broken in a past life, and the task is to rebuild its self-esteem, dignity, self-confidence, to revive it from the ruins. In this case, you need to work on yourself very carefully.
How to remove low self-esteem and feelings of insignificance?
1. Start with a positive - build self-respect!
2. Eliminate negativity towards yourself.(negative names and attitudes) and replace it with a positive one(beliefs that will give you strength and joy).
Exercise: 1. Divide a sheet of paper into two equal parts vertically. 2. On the left side of the sheet, in a column, write down all the negative names, name-calling, words that others called you and those that you called yourself. 3. On the right side, opposite each negative name, find and write a worthy, positive replacement, how you ideally want to treat yourself. And preferably with justification.
For example:
- I'm nothing - replacement - I am a worthy person because I work on myself, I have a lot of positive qualities, others respect me, etc.
- I'm mediocre - replacement - I am the Soul and it is embedded in me huge potential, I have talents and I can do a lot of things!
- I am a loser - replacement - I am a strong person who is striving for success and is constantly learning. All successful people went through a streak of failures, obstacles and even shame, they were able to get through this dark streak with dignity, and so can I!
Believe me, if you complete this exercise efficiently and sincerely (maybe even in 2 or 3 passes), you will immediately feel a surge of energy, an increase in positivity and self-confidence.
3. Start revealing love for yourself and your Soul!
4. Additional recommendation. Especially during the period when you will be working on yourself and your positive self-esteem has not yet strengthened, and your negative self-esteem has become aggravated - limit your social circle. Communicate only with those who respect and support you. And try not to communicate with those who undermine your self-esteem, who treat you negatively, try to humiliate you, destroy your self-confidence, etc.
And when you feel strong, when your positive self-esteem gets stronger, you can start training it to be invulnerable when dealing with such people :)
It must be said that the topic “How to build enormous self-confidence and confidence” deserves a separate article and even a book - and we will definitely consider this topic!
Greetings, dear readers! Sometimes a person is faced with too many problems and he is unable to cope with them. What to do if you feel worthless? What to do when everything falls out of hand and nothing works out? Maybe this is just another stage in life? Or is it better to consult a psychologist with a similar problem? Today I would like to talk to you about failures in life, why it can be difficult for us to cope with them and how to change it.
Just a period
One day a client came to me in terrible depression. She considered herself the most unfortunate and worthless person. Her personal life was not going well, she was fired from her job, she had no hobbies, no friends. The man saw no meaning in anything. And gradually this feeling pulled her in so deeply that the girl fell into a terrible depression.
During our work with her, we found out that similar feelings overwhelmed her during her graduation from university. Then she had a similar period when she broke up with her boyfriend. The girl panicked catastrophically before any changes, was too critical of her failures, it was difficult for her to gather her strength, she did not see or know her strengths.
Why is this happening? I am sure that there is not a single person on earth who could be called insignificant. Each of us has unique characteristics, has a specific purpose, so to speak. And if you are currently experiencing a period of apathy, then don’t worry. This can and should be fought.
And there were stages in my life when I gave up and didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t see any future and didn’t understand at all what I was doing here and why all this. The main thing is not to make a universal problem out of this. If you get hung up and worry, you can easily fall into depression. And sometimes it’s not so easy to get out of this state.
If now you are worried about the lack of meaning in life, you cannot find your place, you do not understand where you are going and why, then I recommend that you read the article “”. Surely in it you will find the words you need that will help you look at the situation from a different angle.
Two sides of the same coin
I had a friend who at one time fell into a terrible depression. His business collapsed, his wife left for his best friend, leaving him nothing, he got into terrible debt. It would seem like excellent ground for giving up. But no. He pulled himself together, learned the necessary lessons, and within two years he was back at the top.
But what's stopping you? How to stop blaming yourself? People tend to exaggerate their shortcomings. Give yourself some freedom. Allow me to be wrong. Don't criticize yourself too harshly. Be kind to yourself, because if not you, then who?
Try to abstract yourself from yourself and describe the person you see. What is he good at, what does he do better than others, what can he be praised for, what can he be an example of. Describe yourself as if you were the hero of a novel.
Besides, you should never stop. Movement is life. It's always worth doing something. Be busy with something. Firstly, in business there is not so much time to constantly think about your failures. Secondly, small successes attract major successes.
Changing your attitude towards yourself or a situation can be difficult. In order to make your task easier, I have a special article - “”. Start small.
Ask for help
No one will ever tell you how to live correctly, what to do to avoid failure, how to never make mistakes. Remember - life is yours, and only you decide what and how it will be arranged.
But sometimes there is no way to cope on your own, you don’t have enough strength, you need support, but there are no loved ones nearby. Don't be afraid to seek help from a specialist.
If you are not yet ready to take this step and you are scared, then read Louise Hay’s book “ Heal your life" In it you will find many interesting and useful thoughts that can push you to the right decision.
Book " How to get rid of an inferiority complex"will help you overcome your shortcomings that cause dissatisfaction with yourself.
In addition, I have an article "". In it you will find simple but very effective ways to simplify your life.
You can find help in books, films, and forums. The main thing is that it helps. Of course, a conversation with a psychologist is more effective and productive. After all, he is the one who can figure out the reasons for your mood and apathy. From the outside, he will see your successes.
Love yourself and don't criticize too much. You will definitely succeed!
Best wishes to you!Hello. I always felt like a second-class person, because my mother and I lived alone and lived poorly. My relatives spanked me when I was a child, and I have had strong self-doubt since childhood. I am always very demanding of myself, and I constantly engage in self-criticism, that I said something wrong to someone, or did something wrong. I don’t have a very good relationship with my husband, the emotions that he addresses to me are not enough for me. I want to be loved more. Therefore, I constantly flirt with other men and then my conscience eats me up that I’m like a girl of easy virtue.
I'm 23 now. I work as a chief accountant, and I still consider myself insignificant. I even try to approach my boss less so as not to bother him.
I always think that I could have done it differently, better. I think this way about everything, even before I said hello to someone. And it always seems that people notice all this, remember it, and then discuss me and don’t respect me.
Previously, my mother could support me in this, but now my mother has died. I sorely lack communication with someone to be frank. As a result, I get verbal diarrhea whenever I start talking to anyone. And then I think again, why did I tell everything about myself to a stranger, I should have remained silent.
I can’t come to terms with the fact that I am like this. It seems like I’m trying to consider myself a normal, not stupid person, and then again I make myself look like a fool.Hello, Vera!
I understand you very much, it’s hard to live, constantly “eating” yourself with criticism. And I know from myself that it is very difficult to wean yourself from criticizing yourself. I would recommend that you work with a psychologist in order to understand where you got this habit from and neutralize this negative program. If desired, we can work via Skype. If you are not yet ready for such work, start keeping a success diary. Buy a beautiful notebook and write down in it every evening all your achievements, no matter how small, and in the second column write down your qualities that helped you in this. Re-read it constantly. If you want to criticize yourself, tell yourself: “What a clever, beautiful thing I did! Well, since I could do it this way, I can do it differently next time!” Take it as an axiom: we are all strong in hindsight. But at a given moment in time, we always make the most correct decision based on the state in which we find ourselves. Understand that by criticizing ourselves, we only lower our self-esteem. All this is written very well in the books of Marusya Svetlova. Find and read the book “Thought Creates Reality”, I think you will find there good tools to get out of your current state.
All the best!
Perfilyeva Inna Yurievna, psychologist in Rostov-on-Don
Good answer 6 Bad answer 1Hello, Vera.
Childhood experiences have a serious impact on a person's adult life, this is a fact. You yourself feel that you have not overcome this yet. You lack even simple participation, due to the lack of love in your childhood, and now you compensate for this with uncontrolled flirting. So the little girl living inside you is looking for love and care.
Vera, I highly recommend that you work through your attitudes with a specialist; constantly feeling like a “nothing” terribly unscrews the nervous system, creates the preconditions for self-dislike, depressive states, and neuroses. Choose a psychologist in whom you will feel trust - and move towards a new you, you have all the possibilities for this, and a psychologist will help you find resources. I also offer you my help and support in the format of Skype consultations.
Sincerely,
Yulia Trofimova, psychologist Elektrostal, consulting via Skype
Good answer 4 Bad answer 1
Vera, hello.
Indeed, such a feeling of oneself greatly complicates Life and spoils its quality. Apparently, you are a smart, successful person - at such a young age you became the chief accountant. You realized that it was difficult to live like this and turned to psychologists for support. But in absentia it is difficult to understand the reason for your self-experience. The fact that there is not enough love now means that you did not receive it in your family, with your mother. If she raised you alone, then it is clear that she had to survive. And there’s no time for love there. And you are still hungry in this sense. And now, no matter how much you are loved, you will feel like a hungry girl. And this is always difficult - both for you and for those who are close to you. Therefore, this difficulty should be resolved with a specialist. You can contact psychologists in your city or choose on our website. Sincerely.Silina Marina Valentinovna, psychologist Ivanovo
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Most people, even to a first approximation, do not understand how much their life, their state of happiness, everything they achieve and potentially can have, directly depends on their.
The essence of self-esteem is the attitude towards oneself: is it negative or positive? Does a person believe in himself or not? Does he respect or despise? Is he weak and vulnerable or strong and invulnerable?
Let me remind you that if a person does not believe in himself, he will not even dare to dream of achieving any significant goals and peaks in life. If he doesn’t respect himself, doesn’t love himself, he won’t even give himself the right joy and will bypass all opportunities to become happy.
Even if a person has great highs, but he has low self-esteem, he will never achieve them if he does not level up his self-esteem, learn to love and respect himself, appreciate and protect his virtues and values in life.
Low self-esteem, a feeling of one’s own insignificance is one of the first and biggest obstacles to one’s happiness and success in any field, no matter what it concerns. Because like attracts like: the worthy attracts the worthy, the insignificant - the insignificant!
What is low self-esteem and the “I’m worthless” program?
Low Self-Esteem is an inadequately negative attitude towards oneself, one’s soul, body, and destiny. And this negative attitude is always somehow justified, but the problem is that in these justifications there are a lot of errors and extremes (misconceptions).
Low self-esteem – this is: A) A negative attitude towards oneself(dislike, self-hatred) B) Lack of self-confidence C) Vulnerability, dependence, weakness(not the ability to protect yourself and your Honor, what is dear)
It is common for people who have low self-esteem to not see or recognize their merits (good qualities, achievements, etc.), and to greatly exaggerate their shortcomings and problems, blaming themselves for them, saying to themselves: “I’m bad”, “I’m a loser”, “I’m worthless”, “I won’t succeed” and so on. This attitude towards oneself is self-deception and absolutely unfair! This will not lead to anything good except the destruction of yourself and your life.
A person who does not see and does not recognize his merits is doomed, he has nothing to rely on in life, he has no self-respect, he will not retain anything worthy and will not be able to protect it. In addition, people with low self-esteem are almost always sufferers; they fill their souls with the negative energy of suffering, worries and pain, because they are internally confident that suffering is their fate, and they will not see happiness.
But in fact, they simply receive what they believe in, what they have cultivated and strengthened in themselves all their lives - “To each according to his faith...”.
Where does low self-esteem come from?
Most often this is the result of upbringing and parental programming. On the one side, children copy the programs, beliefs, attitudes, lifestyles of their parents and loved ones. That is, if a mother, for example, has low self-esteem and regularly eats herself away, then the daughter, most often, will have the same internal inclinations and habits.
On the other side, parents and those who most influence the formation of the child’s personality (including teachers at school) often themselves, unconsciously or purposefully, form low self-esteem in the child, calling him bad words like - “You’re stupid”, “You’re mediocrity”, “Nothing will come of you”, “You’re disgusting”, etc.
And if such negative seeds were sown in childhood, during the period of upbringing, then the person himself, as a rule, finishes himself off, cheats, castigates, blames and destroys. And if this process is not stopped in time, the negativity grows on itself like a snowball, bringing destruction, failure and suffering to a person.
Therefore it is very important: 1. Stop the process of self-destruction and self-underestimation. 2 Start removing negative programs - the basis of low self-esteem. 3. Build a strong positive self-esteem that is invulnerable in all respects.
Esoteric reasons. It happens that one already comes into this life with low self-esteem, which was broken in a past life, and the task is to rebuild one’s self-esteem, dignity, self-confidence, to revive it from the ruins. In this case, you need to work on yourself very carefully. Although I will not hide that often, in order to build positive self-esteem, it is necessary to remove the root causes of the negative, which lie in a person’s past life, and in this case, one cannot do without the help of good things.
How to remove low self-esteem and feelings of insignificance?
1. Start with a positive - build self-respect! Study and work through the following articles: and.
2. Eliminate negativity towards yourself.(negative names and attitudes) and replace it with a positive one(beliefs that will give you strength and joy).
Exercise: 1. Divide a sheet of paper into two equal parts vertically. 2. On the left side of the sheet, in a column, write down all the negative names, name-calling, words that others called you and those that you called yourself. 3. On the right side, opposite each negative name, find and write a worthy, positive replacement, how you ideally want to treat yourself. And preferably with justification.
For example:
- replacement – I am a worthy person because I work on myself, I have a lot of positive qualities, others respect me, etc.
- I'm mediocre - replacement – and I have enormous potential, I have talents and I can do a lot of things!
- I am a loser - replacement – I am a strong person who is striving for success and is constantly learning. All successful people went through a streak of failures, obstacles and even shame, they were able to overcome this black streak with dignity, and so can I!
Believe me, if you complete this exercise efficiently and sincerely (maybe even in 2 or 3 passes), you will immediately feel a surge of energy, an increase in positivity and self-confidence.
3. Start revealing love for yourself and your Soul! To do this, study and practically work through the following articles: and.
This will definitely help you!
4. Additional recommendation. Especially during the period when you will be working on yourself and your positive self-esteem has not yet strengthened, but your negative self-esteem has become aggravated - limit your social circle. Communicate only with those who respect and support you. And try not to communicate with those who undermine your self-esteem, who treat you negatively, try to humiliate you, destroy your self-confidence, etc.
And when you feel strong, when your positive self-esteem gets stronger, you can start training it to be invulnerable when dealing with such people :)
It must be said that the topic “How to build enormous confidence” deserves a separate article and even a book, and we will definitely consider this topic!
And if you feel that your self-esteem is severely damaged and you need qualified help, I will also recommend a good Spiritual Healer! (work via Skype)
