Instead of the usual: “I don’t know, sorry,” you can calmly answer the question: “Unfortunately, I don’t know, but ask someone else.” You don't have to apologize for not knowing some things. For example, how to get to this or that street. Usually such behavior is not limited to the street, for example, and people apologize for everything around them at work or at home. Even for things that are not their fault at all. How can this situation be changed?

Guilt in my head

Your apologies on the tongue are guilt in the head. Typically, people who frequently use apologies in their vocabulary feel guilty before society.
Of course, with such a problem there is a problem that will definitely help solve it. But as an option, it’s worth trying to correct this situation at home, as they say.

You need to understand that, in principle, no one on the street usually cares about your gait or clothes. And those who consider it their duty to react to your appearance or words will move on. Therefore, there is no need to pay attention to such behavior.

The most important thing is to note in your head the idea that you have every right to be yourself and even defend it.

Everyone can be wrong

A very natural thing that somehow still needs to be taught to people. In fact, each of us makes mistakes many, many times throughout our lives. We do the wrong things and regret them. Sometimes it’s too strong and too often that we forget about today’s life. About what is happening now.
Therefore, think and decide for yourself, do you want to depend on a wrong action all your life? Do you want to put your future on the altar of this mistake, which perhaps only you remember?

We are sure that no one needs this. The main thing is to admit this mistake and understand that you will not repeat it again. Then the conclusions from your actions will become truly useful for the future and present.

Others can't decide for you

You are a conscious person. You are an adult woman or man, you have experience in dealing with life and problems, you can analyze yourself and those around you. Is it true? So you can be aware of yourself. And if so, then the opinions of other people regarding your behavior cannot become the decisive criterion in decision-making. Naturally, it’s worth listening to other people, seeing yourself through different eyes. Often, this is very important for setting priorities.
But listening to each and every one, always following other people’s advice, without choosing the most sensible and important ones, is stupid.

Always focus only on your feelings and sensations, because this is only your life. And only you will have to answer for it.

Only you can live in harmony with yourself. Understand your pain. After all, if you have a stomach ache, only you can explain this feeling to the doctor. It's the same with everything else.

Hear yourself

As written above, it would be good to hear other people and take their opinions into account. In other words, to be in harmony with society. But you only need to listen to yourself. Placing the blame on your own shoulders puts you at risk. Even if you are used to apologizing for every little thing or for having your foot stepped on in public transport. Despite the habit of saying “Sorry,” listen to yourself. Is it necessary to say this word in a situation where you are not to blame? Most likely no. In most cases, it's just a habit. Like smoking or junk food. And you can refuse it if you want.

Start to notice what you say

We pronounce most words “automatically”. We just say them every day and get used to them that we no longer hear ourselves at that moment.
So here's to giving up bad habit apologize to people around you, start noticing your speech. Chances are, you have no idea how often you apologize.

A Lifetime Advocate for Irresponsibility: How to Stop Making Excuses and Avoid Shifting Blame to Others

Most people believe that their success is the result of their genius abilities, their own outstanding merits, hard and purposeful work. At the same time, in the event of failure and failure, many people begin to make excuses, blame anyone and anything, just to relieve themselves of responsibility and appear before society in a favorable light. There are a great many such justifying arguments. This is a “black streak”, “bad day”, “the machinations of envious people”, “evil eye and damage”, “fatal coincidence of circumstances”.
Undoubtedly, circumstances often arise in life that we cannot influence. There are situations that we are not able to control and cannot manage. Nevertheless, the bulk of the problems that arise in life are a direct result of our thinking, worldview, and actions.

By making excuses and shifting the blame for our own troubles and failures onto other people, lack of fortune, unlucky fate, we do not learn a useful lesson from difficulties. By reproaching and reproaching everyone and everything, we do not try to establish the real reasons for failures. While making excuses, we do not try to find the real preconditions for disasters.
Accordingly, when we make excuses, we do not make efforts to change our thinking, transform the way we perceive the world, or develop more adequate behavior. We do not search, study and analyze the factors that were the primary source of evil.

As a result of regular self-justifications, we do not acquire the knowledge and skills necessary to avoid similar mistakes and miscalculations in the future. Therefore, we step on the same rake several times. We suffer from the same sorrows. We solve identical problems. We face the same obstacles. We are suffering from similar problems. We meet the same unpleasant people and are upset by communicating with them.

Let's illustrate with examples. A lazy and industrious student, he believes that his poor grades are the result of the biased and biased attitude of teachers, a consequence of a complex and incomprehensible school curriculum, and the result of a bad mood of teachers. Surely, this student will become a careless student and will perform professional duties negligently and in bad faith.
The young lady constantly throws hysterics, starts scandals, and reproaches her husband. At the same time, she is convinced that the departure of the next faithful is due to his hard-skinnedness, insensitivity, heartlessness, indifference and selfishness. It is natural that this woman, who views men as evil and cruel scoundrels, will not be happy with any partner and will ultimately face old age in splendid isolation.

By abdicating responsibility, placing blame on others, and making excuses, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and do not gain the required experience. As a result, we constantly make mistakes and fail, becoming increasingly disillusioned with life and acquiring an even more terrible mood.
Therefore, we need to try in each specific situation to understand where we made a mistake. It is necessary to think about what we can do to avoid falling into the same rake again in the future. We must learn to explain our position to others, and not to select arguments for our own defense.

Justify yourself or explain your position: learning the difference between concepts
For many, the expressions “justify” and “explain your point of view” are identical concepts. However, this is not true: “self-justification” and “explanation” from the point of view of psychology have fundamental differences.
Self-justification is one of the methods of psychological defense that the lifelong advocate of irresponsibility resorts to. This defense lawyer's defense strategy lacks credibility and fails to secure a lighter sentence for the accused in a public court. Because self-justification is:

At the same time, explaining your position helps to avoid criticism, makes it possible to prevent the escalation of the conflict, and helps to gain approval from others. An explanation is a constructive action that implies:

For example, a person reports: “All office employees work carelessly”, “All colleagues do not invest in the established deadlines, because not enough time is always allocated.” Also, a person making excuses is expressed in impersonal sentences: “There wasn’t enough time”, “It wasn’t possible”, “I wasn’t informed” or uses passive verbs: "I wasn't aware". Moreover, most often the narratives refer to the past tense.

When an individual explains his point of view, he builds speech structures containing a predicate expressed in the personal form of the verb: “I have realized”, “I am working”, “I will complete”. Moreover, when a person tries to give an explanation, he speaks not only about the past, but also reports about the present and the future. A person not only talks about what caused his actions. He talks about what he is doing now and what he plans to do in the future to correct the situation.

How to eliminate the habit of making excuses: giving up the lawyer of irresponsibility
To get rid of the harmful manner of blaming other people, we must admit: taking personal responsibility for the existing reality is one of the important pointers to the maturity, consistency and self-sufficiency of an individual. A developed, formed, integral, self-respecting nature knows how to be responsible for its thoughts, words and actions. She is able to find the causes of events in herself, and not in other people. A mature person understands that she is responsible for the quality of her life.

One of the steps necessary to achieve psychological maturity is to stop making excuses both to yourself and to others. How can this be done in practice? First we need to answer a few questions.

Too many and regular mistakes, miscalculations, and missteps indicate that our credo is to look for more or less plausible excuses for mistakes made. This is an indicator that, due to some personal qualities or fears, we do not want to analyze the events that have happened and are content with being stuck at this stage of development. This is evidence that we simply refuse to carry out internal work on ourselves. Thus, by making excuses, we temporarily relieve tension, but deprive ourselves of the chances of error-free and successful activity in the future.
How to stop shifting blame onto others and get rid of the habit of making excuses? Instead of looking for arguments to whitewash and defend ourselves, we can master and use the following constructive options for action in situations where we have made a mistake.

How to stop making excuses for your actions? We can honestly explain the reason for the failure. Communicate to the criticizing accuser the factors that contributed to the quality of the product. Tell us why this situation arose. Our task is to accept responsibility for what happened and maintain our powers for the future. Instead of making excuses, we should communicate the actions we intend to take.
If it is problematic for us to talk in detail and the reasons for negligence, we can say a simple phrase: "I admit that I was wrong". After this, it is necessary to switch the attention of the interlocutor, getting him interested in what specific steps we plan to take.

It must be remembered that immediate results from actions do not always occur. It is not always possible to understand at first glance whether efforts were made in the right direction or not. Very often, a decision that others now interpret as an unsuccessful and wrong choice later brings juicy and abundant fruits. If we are criticized, then instead of making excuses, we need to correctly hint that the future will show whether we did the right thing or made a fatal mistake.
How to get rid of the habit of making excuses? Often the cause of failure is simple ignorance and lack of necessary information. Instead of a trivial excuse “I didn’t know this”, it will be best if we say that we have already studied many authoritative sources of information about this task and intend to use the information received in the future. That is, we admit that previously the topic was not sufficiently developed, but now the situation has been corrected, and we have all the resources to successfully complete the task.

Another way to avoid the need to make excuses is to prevent such a moment. Everyone has situations in life when, due to our words and actions, unpleasant, unwanted and harmful circumstances arise for others. To prevent a showdown and not to become criticized, it is necessary to send a warning signal to others. Without waiting for complaints, we approach the person and apologize for the troubles and inconveniences created. We assure you that we will not commit such rash acts in the future.

In conclusion
Let's summarize our meeting. The habit of shifting blame to others, the manner of abdicating responsibility for what is happening are extremely negative and harmful phenomena. Blaming others and self-justification lead to a complete stop in personal development. Such phenomena act as conflict-generating factors: they do not meet with approval from society, provoke criticism, and set others up in a hostile and aggressive manner. The habit of making excuses humiliates us, makes us weak, and informs us of the immaturity of our personality.

Instead of using the services of an irresponsibility lawyer, we should be responsible for our actions and provide others with logical, non-demeaning arguments regarding the facts. By bearing personal responsibility for our lives, we become true masters and creators of destiny.
Our team will help you understand why people are afraid of responsibility and dump the burden on others

Today we'll talk about this habits as an "excuse".

• The essence of justification.
• Reason for justification.
• The purpose of justification.
• How to free yourself from the habit of making excuses?
• How does the habit of making excuses create a sense of duty?
• And how do you recognize a lesson's justification for transformation?
• What should you stop making excuses for?

1. What is justification?

This is an explanation to someone outside (people, God) of one’s present (personal manifestation or circumstances) and one’s rightness.

2. Reason for acquittal: internal self-doubts, non-acceptance of the present or aspects of the past. By explaining to another and convincing another, we convince ourselves that I have the right to be like this and live like this.

3. Purpose of Justification:

unconscious - to meet the expectations of others;

conscious - allow yourself to be different, make mistakes, choose, go your own way.

4. How to break free from the habit of making excuses?

Realize the reason, accept your present, allow others to be disappointed in their own expectations. And realize that others cannot replace you. Until you change your attitude towards yourself and begin to treat yourself the way you want the world to treat you, you will remain dependent on someone outside of you.

5. How justification creates a sense of duty?

Primarily there is authority outside and his opinion. Mom, brother, matchmaker, god, teacher, state, etc. There is a projection (his views, expectations), known either personally from the source (through words or emotions), or through intermediaries (someone said what he (she) thinks or feels; someone wrote, etc.), which we perceive through our projection and draw some conclusion regarding the attitude of the other towards us.

And if, according to our conclusions, we do not meet the expectations of an authority that is significant to us, the mind concludes “we are not loved, we are rejected, I am bad” - “and I must receive his approval and love, this is vitally important for me; I will prove that I am good".

And how to do it?

This kind of worship and sacrifice is akin to humiliation and enslavement.

This is how we experience feelings of guilt and debt, created on the basis of an illusory need for another who is outside of us.

Our spiritual needs move to “later”, the goal enters the arena: “I must earn his love and prove that I am good.” But you are who you are - and you are expected to be different. And so you quietly justify to yourself that you are not Vasya, but Petya, and begin to explain why you are Petya, spending a lot of energy, spending it not on creating, but on maintaining the expectations of another (driving yourself into the minus - forming a debt).

6. How to recognize where there is a lesson that will reveal potential, and where there is a provocation for justification?

Both are perceived similarly - in any case, these are changes (development) that the mind perceives warily, as going beyond the comfort zone, the difference is only in the sequence of receiving sensations.

Lesson - brings you development experience ( positive feelings, feeling of expansion) without intermediaries; provocation - brings positive feelings through approval to others.

In the first case, you get the experience of your soul, in the second - the experience of dependence, which at the same time forms the fear of losing the object of approval

7. What you should stop making excuses for?

1. Life situation in the present.

You don't have to explain your life situation to anyone. If you live in a civil marriage, or move from one rented apartment to another, or live with your parents, although you are no longer twenty, you have a mistress, you are unemployed - you are not obliged to report to anyone why you act this way and not otherwise. . If you are completely aware of your life situation, then this means that you have your own reasons for keeping it that way, and they are no one else's business. Another question is, if you unconsciously do something that you don’t like, change it. But first of all, accept yourself as you are now.

2. Priorities and values.

You have the right to everything. Some people value family for life, some like to travel, some enjoy researching mold, and some enjoy new notes. You are not obliged to explain your life priorities to anyone and prove that this is good and correct. You have your own thoughts about what can be done for the comfort and happiness of your loved ones and yourself - that is your main priority. We are all unique individuals with different values, dreams and aspirations, and one person's priorities will invariably differ from another. You define your own and don’t have to answer to anyone. Accept your path and move forward!

3. Apologies out of flattery, out of habit, out of tact.

You don't have to apologize if you're not sorry. It’s not that you know it’s “so wrong”, but you really feel regret - apologize. If you don't regret your actions, still believe you did what your heart told you to do, and don't really need forgiveness, don't apologize. Otherwise, feelings of guilt will accompany you throughout life. You don't really need to ask for forgiveness unless you feel guilty.

4. Solitude is a natural need.

You don't have to justify your time alone to anyone. If you don’t want to answer, leave yourself and the answer alone. There is no desire to continue the conversation - say so, explaining or not explaining the reasons. Many people are afraid of being considered “rude,” “antisocial,” or “arrogant” if they cancel plans or turn down invitations because they need some time to themselves to relax, “reset,” or simply read a good book. In fact, these types of solitary time-outs are a completely natural practice that most of us (again, not all) need.

5. Agree with everyone.

Many were so carried away by spiritual development that they completely refused to express an opinion. You don't have to agree with anyone's personal beliefs, even if it is the mass view of some norm. Just because someone talks passionately about their beliefs, you don't have to sit back and nod your head in approval of everything. If you do not share their ideas, it is unfair to yourself and others to pretend that you agree with them. It is better to calmly contradict them than to build up disapproval and disappointment. You don’t have to argue - you can just express your opinion and change the conversation.

6. The responsibility to say “Yes.”

You have every right to say “No” if there is no compelling reason to agree. The greatest success in all areas is achieved by people who have mastered the art of letting go of everything that is not their priority. Acknowledge the kindness of others and be grateful, but be bold in saying “No” to anything that distracts your attention from your core values. You shouldn't date just because someone is kind, but there are no feelings. You should not agree out of fear or a desire to please; believe another, it is easier to survive an honest refusal than to be deceived by an illusion.

7. Appearance is not a standard, but individuality.

You don't have to make excuses for your appearance. You can be slim or plump, tall or not very tall, pretty or ordinary, but you don’t have to explain to anyone why you look the way you do. Your appearance is entirely your business; you owe it only to yourself. Do not allow appearance determine your self-esteem.

8. Your tastes and preferences.

You are not obliged to explain to anyone your preferences in food, clothing, sports, sleep, books, films - in any choice. If someone pesters you with a question why you are a vegetarian or a meat eater; why are you wearing this hat? why did you choose this car; why you chose this profession, or why you are a Hindu; why you do it (or don't do it), ignore it and respond that you feel good this way.

9. Your sex life is yours.

If you are in a close relationship with a consenting adult, then it is no one’s business where, how and when you arrange your sex life. You can wait for marriage, have casual relationships, and even experiment with someone of the same sex as you - as long as you enjoy it, it's entirely up to you. If you are offended by your choice, figure out where it comes from; if it pleases and inspires you, go ahead.

10. Your loneliness and relationships are your business.

You don't have to explain why you're lonely. Whether you are married or not, married or not, should be no one's business but yours. Loneliness is not a personality disorder. You are free to choose whether to enter into a relationship or not. Just remember: you are not your marital status. There's no need to label yourself and others with useless social labels. Someone may be nice and cute, but you don't have to go on a date with them. If you feel deep down that you don't need this meeting. Whether you choose to get married and have children or remain single and childless will remain a personal decision. Even if your mom is just raving about her grandchildren, she will have to come to terms with your life choices, no matter how difficult it may be. Sometimes people make inappropriate comments about your romantic relationships. Surely someone said that you are “not an ideal match” or that you need to look for someone else. However, you are accountable to no one but yourself in this matter.

Live your own life and don't make choices just because someone tells you to.

Stop feeling guilty and ashamed with or without reason.

Make mistakes and learn from them - that's life.

This is your life and you do not have the right not to love yourself... although the choice is yours))).

If we talk about sins, sin is not loving yourself as a magnificent Creator-Creator-Creation.

With love, Alena Ryabchenko.