It is generally accepted that extroverts have no problem finding a common language with people, while introverts lack “conversational” skills, and therefore prefer to be alone. But don’t rush to classify yourself as a communication expert if you’re an extrovert. When faced with interlocutors, most people, no matter what they consider themselves to be, make the same mistakes.

Consultant Eric Barker told Time magazine how to avoid these mistakes. There are five “tricks” to remember.

1. Don't be yourself

No, this is not bad advice, as you might think. “Be yourself” is truly harmful and even stupid advice. Let’s say that it will still be useful in a teenage party (although this is also not a fact), but what if we are talking about an interview with an employer? No one in their right mind would advise you to “be yourself.” They will say: dress decently, be polite, show interest, etc.

What does it even mean to “be yourself”? A person is fickle, his behavior changes, including depending on his mood, but it is not always good.

Here best advice: “Fake it while it lasts.” Acting within social guidelines does not mean being dishonest.

Moreover, research shows that people who know how to present themselves correctly and show their best qualities leave a more accurate impression of themselves. The ability to show off your best side helps others quickly see your true self. No matter how strange it may sound.

2. Subtly imitate your interlocutor

Whatever one may say, we like people who are like us. There was such an experiment with sellers and buyers: sellers, at the request of psychologists, began to unobtrusively repeat facial expressions and gestures after clients. And what do you think? Almost no one noticed the “monkey behavior”, but sales increased by 20%!

It would seem, how can we not notice when our interlocutor copies our gestures? But it turned out that only 8 out of 69 people understood this - and only because their facial expressions and gestures were special, not the same as everyone else’s. For the most part, customers found the copycats to be more welcoming, interesting, honest, and persuasive than regular salespeople.

3. Be an active listener

Those who have communication problems most often ask: “What should I talk to people about?” This is a question going nowhere. It would be more correct to ask: “How to get people to talk about what interests them?” If you want to get along with people, learn to listen to them.

The secrets of professional hostage-taking negotiators will help here. Here are the five stages of proper dialogue:

1. Active listener. Listen to the other person, periodically confirming (by nodding or assenting) that you are listening attentively. Experts emphasize that this stage is the most important.
2. Sympathy. Naturally, this is not about starting to feel sorry for your interlocutor. It is important to let him know that you understand him, including his feelings.
3. Response. You have demonstrated empathy, and now the other person should “respond” by beginning to trust you.
4. Influence. Along with trust, you have earned the right to give advice and solve problems together.
5. Change of behavior. This is the moment when the interlocutor makes a decision and acts. A good negotiator forces a criminal to lay down his weapon and surrender without harming anyone. (Accordingly, in peaceful circumstances there will be a different positive outcome).

However, don’t think that everything is so simple. Most people start right away with point 4 (“influence”), ignoring the first three. Or they immediately try to out-argue the interlocutor (by the way, here's how to do it right). It is not surprising that by doing so people only cause irritation.

4. Use clever flattery

No matter what anyone says, people prefer pleasant interlocutors to competent ones. So don’t worry if you don’t have an impressive amount of knowledge and experience. You can win someone over with a smile and a compliment. Dale Carnegie writes about this, in particular, in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

Moreover, even insincere flattery works. The same example of sellers and buyers: even realizing that the seller uses flattery to win over the client and convince him to buy the product, a positive reaction to the compliment outweighs the “sober thought” about its true purpose. But, of course, you need to flatter wisely - otherwise you can slide into vile toadying.

5. "Play ball"

How to keep a conversation going? In general, avoid extremes. You shouldn't try to dominate, but you shouldn't be a passive listener either. Dialogue can be compared to throwing a ball. This is not a competition; the ball does not need to be taken away, much less knocked out of your hands. React to your interlocutor’s remarks, share your own opinion and pass the “ball” back, slightly changing direction from time to time. This way, everyone will have the opportunity to speak without interrupting each other, without taking the initiative or losing attention.

Any thing worthy of attention requires that it be taken seriously. And the pendulum is no exception.

People who work professionally with the pendulum claim that in order to become an expert in these matters, at least a year of hard training is needed. Not everyone may like the prospect of constantly training. Fortunately, working with a pendulum can be very satisfying in itself. The best way to become a master in any matter - learn in the form of a game. The example experiments in this chapter are more like fun, but they will help you improve your skills.

Scientists studying parapsychology have found that people achieve the best results at the beginning of each session, and then, as the experiment continues, their performance drops significantly. They found that participants in experiments began to experience boredom after some time, which greatly reduced their performance. Therefore, it is better to exercise no more than 20 minutes, but regularly.

There are many experiments that can be performed using a pendulum. Do each of them two or three times, and then move on to the next one. There is no need to perfect the first one before moving on to the others. Try to treat it as fun - then you won't feel bored or frustrated. Of course, you will achieve much better results if you can do without grim determination and pedantry.

Here I suggest you different kinds experiments that you can conduct on your own, without anyone else's participation. Some of them will undoubtedly seem easier to you than others. It's interesting that an exercise that you can handle without much difficulty may not be an easy test for someone else - we are all very different. Do these exercises when you have free time from other activities. Record your results. This way you can reflect on your successes and track the progress of your skills.

Lucky card

Draw five or six cards at random from the playing deck. Mix them thoroughly. Take a look at the one below. This will be your “lucky card”. Let's say it's the three of diamonds. Mix the cards again, and then lay them face down in front of you. Bring the pendulum to each card in turn and ask yourself or out loud; "Is this the three of diamonds?" The pendulum will give a positive answer over the three of diamonds and a negative answer over all other cards. Try not to rush. Let the pendulum tune in to each card and give you a strictly positive or negative answer.

You can change this experiment a little. Select several cards from the deck, and one of them should be different in color, for example, one red among the black ones. Mix the cards thoroughly and let the pendulum find the red one.

Under the cup

This experiment is similar to the previous one. This time you will need five identical cups and some small object that will easily fit into the cup (for example, a small ball). Place the cups on the table upside down. Close your eyes and rearrange all the cups. Then lift one of them and place a small ball under it. Swap the cups again so that you have no idea which cup the ball is under. Open your eyes and bring the pendulum to each cup in turn, asking: “Is the ball under this cup?” The pendulum will give a negative answer over all cups except the one under which the ball is hidden. Be sure to do the first part of the experiment with your eyes closed. Even if all the cups are exactly the same, you can remember from some minor defects exactly where you put the ball. We notice much more than we realize, and this can throw doubt on the outcome of your experiment.

Gin and vodka

You will need five identical glasses. Pour an equal amount of gin into four of them. Pour the same amount of vodka into the fifth glass. Close your eyes and carefully move the glasses around until you lose all awareness of which one contains the vodka. Open your eyes and bring the pendulum to each glass in turn, asking: “Is there vodka in this glass?”

It is better to leave this experiment for last, since you will have to try the liquid that the pendulum points to to check the correctness of its answer.

Birthday

This time you can use a pendulum to check what day of the week your birthday fell on five years ago. You can also ask him to tell you what day of the week your next birthday is on or when your last one was if you really have no idea what day of the week it was. This experiment can be performed in two ways. Write all the days of the week on seven identical cards, and then bring the pendulum to each of them in turn. Or you can ask:

“My birthday fell on a Saturday five years ago?” Even if you get a positive answer from the very beginning, continue to ask the pendulum questions about all other days of the week. This way you can check whether your pendulum understands exactly what you want from it. Once you receive the answer to your question, check the calendar to see if it is correct.

An experiment of particular complexity

Select five small objects. This could be a pen, a glass, a pointer, a paper clip and an eraser. Write the names of these items on pieces of paper, which you then place in envelopes. After that, lay out all five items that you selected in front of you.

Mix the envelopes thoroughly and select one of them. Take the envelope in one hand and the pendulum in the other. Bring the pendulum to each item in turn, asking it: “Is the name of this item written in this envelope?”

When the pendulum gives you a positive answer, open the envelope and check the accuracy of the answer.

You can make this experiment a little more complicated. Instead of opening the envelope, place it next to your chosen object. Take the next envelope and repeat the whole process again, placing this envelope next to the object that the pendulum points to. Eventually all five envelopes will be near five objects. Then open the envelopes and check the correctness of the pendulum's answers.

Choose your partner carefully. Be wary (especially in the early stages of working with a pendulum) of people who are skeptical about this work or who are bored at the thought of testing their abilities with a pendulum. You should also not choose people who will only help you. A partner who shares your interest in the subject is best. Don't be lazy to find just such a person.

It is better to work with the pendulum one at a time. This will keep you both interested in experimenting. While working, try not to criticize each other. Each of us moves forward at our own pace. Some may achieve greater success in these experiments, others less. But after a year of training, you will both equally master the art of working with a pendulum. Don't forget to encourage your partner. You each need each other to carry out these experiments, so it is very important that you both maintain optimism and faith in both yourself and your partner.

From side to side or in a circle

Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. Divide it into four parts with two simple lines. Mentally imagine how the pendulum moves in one direction or another. There can be four options: either it will swing in one of the straight lines - back and forth or from side to side, or it will move in circles - clockwise or counterclockwise.

Of course, in this case it is important to have an honest partner who will sincerely answer you whether your pendulum is moving correctly or not.

Sad or happy

Ask your partner to extend their arm forward, palm facing up. Hang a pendulum over it. Have your partner close their eyes and mentally imagine a sad or happy scene from the past. It is very important that he does not outwardly show in any way what he feels during this memory. Ask your pendulum: “Is my friend thinking about something wonderful?” If this is indeed the case, the pendulum will give you a positive answer. In any case, your partner will be able to verify the correctness of the pendulum's answer.

Fruit experiment

Select several different fruits and place them in a row in front of you - at a distance of 10 cm from one another. Turn your back to them and ask your partner to choose one of them. Let him hold it for a few seconds and then put it back (later, after you are comfortable with this experiment, have your partner mentally choose one of the fruits, but for now, at the very beginning, it makes sense to touch or hold the fruit ). Bring the pendulum to each fruit in turn, asking if your partner was holding it.

Above some of these fruits the pendulum will give a positive answer.

It is not necessary to choose fruit for this experiment. Any items will do. Personally, I very often carry out this experiment with a handful of coins.

Cold - hot

Ask your partner to mentally select any object in the room you are in. Take a pendulum in your hand and ask it questions until you get a positive answer. You can simply list the objects you see: "Is this a TV? Is this a lamp?" Or you can act differently, gradually narrowing your search field. Start by asking yourself if the item is on the side of the room where you are sitting. Having received a positive answer, select an object in this half of the room and ask if the item you are looking for is located near this object. You can take as a starting point a bookcase, a TV, a sofa, an armchair... Following this method, you will move step by step closer to the item you are looking for until you finally find it.

Hide and seek

Ask your partner to hide some small object in your house (apartment). Then list on separate cards all the rooms you have in your house.

Bring the pendulum to each card in turn, asking it if this item is in a particular room. After the pendulum indicates the room you need, you can go there and, using leading questions, discover (by the pendulum’s reaction) the object hidden there.

Once you've successfully run this experiment a few times, you can make some adjustments to it. Mix the room name cards thoroughly and place them on the table, back side up. Take turns holding the pendulum to each card, asking it if the item is hidden in that particular room. You will be surprised to find that it makes no difference to the pendulum whether these cards are facing up or down.

You are lying!

From a series of numbers from 1 to 10, mentally choose one for yourself. While you are holding the pendulum, your partner must determine which number you have chosen. When answering his question: “Did you choose number one?”, you must say “no”, even if you chose that exact number. In the same way, you should say “no” to each of the numbers he calls. This will mean that in nine cases you told the truth, but in one case you lied. But by this point, your partner will already know which number you have chosen, since the pendulum will tell him the truth, even if you lie.

You know that people can make a pendulum move in a certain direction using just the power of thought. Even if you perform this experiment in pairs with someone who is able to control the pendulum in this way, you will still be able to determine which number he chose. This happens because the pendulum will necessarily change the direction of movement before a person can gain complete control over it. The pendulum will perfectly cope with the role of a lie detector.

Reading the map

For this experiment you will need a large scale map. And it doesn’t matter what territory it will cover. This could be a map of a city, county, country, or even the world. Ask your partner to mentally select one of the points indicated on this card. Bring the pendulum to the card and slowly move it until you get a positive response. Start with places that are particularly clearly marked. As you improve, you can give your partner the ability to choose any object indicated on the map. You can also use a pen or pencil to point at each item in turn. At this time, hold the pendulum in your other hand.

Define a card

For this experiment you will need a deck of cards. Mix them together and then place them face down on the table. Ask your partner to mentally choose any card.

Bring the pendulum to each card in turn. When you hold it over the selected card, it will give a positive response. This experiment will take a lot of your time at first. But then, with a little practice, you will find that you can move the pendulum over the cards very quickly and still easily determine which of them will react positively.

One of fifty two

You will need a deck of 54 cards. Remove the jokers and shuffle the remaining cards thoroughly. Ask your partner to draw one card at random. Ask the pendulum if your partner has chosen the red card. If the answer is yes, you will know that these are either hearts or diamonds. If the answer is no, your friend drew either a club card or a spades card. Ask the pendulum if this is so. If the card turns out to be red, you can ask: “Are these diamonds?” The reaction of the pendulum will show you whether these are really diamonds. Ask the pendulum if the selected card is a court card (Jack, Queen, King). If the answer is no, then it is some kind of number. Ask about all the numbers one by one until you get a positive answer. Once you get good at this type of experiment, you can do without cards. Let your partner mentally wish for one card, and the pendulum will help you determine which card he chose.

Five coins

My close friend Doc Hilford became widely known because of this experiment. Everywhere he goes, people hide coins under the rug and ask him to find them. Ask your partner to hide five pennies under the rug while you are in another room. When you return, bring the pendulum to the top corner of the rug and then slowly move it around until you cover the entire area of ​​the rug. In all five cases the pendulum should give a positive response. Once you're done, lift the rug and see how well you did. A similar test can be done with saucers and a certain number of coins. Ask your partner to place any number of coins under the saucers (turning them upside down) in your absence. When you return, bring the pendulum to each saucer, asking the same question: “Is there a coin under this saucer?” And the pendulum will tell you which saucers have coins under them and which don’t.

There are many other experiments you can come up with on your own. All of them will give you the opportunity to practice properly with the pendulum. But you need to understand that a pendulum is too important a tool to be used solely for entertainment.

I must admit that at times I have been guilty of such frivolous use of the pendulum. Once, while attending a party, I determined the zodiac sign of one of its participants using my pendulum. Everyone present was so intrigued that I spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out which zodiac signs they belonged to. It was all very funny, but later I felt awkward. And yet, exercises of this kind help improve your skills in working with a pendulum and develop your abilities. And everything that helps a person become a true professional in working with a pendulum is, without a doubt, worthy of the highest praise.

As you know, a woman’s hands are her calling card. The gaze itself stops at beautiful and healthy nails. To keep them that way, they need special care. We have tested products that will relieve you of the most common problems.

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Good practice sharpens your skills

So, a few instructions before we get started. Learning to shoot a traditional bow first requires hard work, dedication and a lot of patience. Does not exist simple recipe, how to become a skilled intuitive shooter, and there are no special plans or schedules to follow. This program is entirely based on the principle of constant practice and development of correct shooting techniques in order to achieve automaticity of movements and form visual memory. Your brain and body will refer to this information each time you need to fire an arrow, using the knowledge stored in your head to accurately hit the target. If you organize your training incorrectly, then you will not be able to develop the skills necessary to be a good intuitive shooter.

Periodically repeated actions become a reflex. If they are performed correctly, then the result will be fruitful, and the developed reflex will become useful. The most important thing you need to remember when starting your practice is to use proper shooting technique. In this way, you will be able to lay a solid foundation for your own future shooting style, which will allow you to achieve good results during this intuitive shooting program. If you try to cheat, cut down the program, or simply skip over any of the chapters for the simple reason that you are so impatient to learn how to shoot as soon as possible, you will only harm yourself. As you read this book, you will notice that some chapters are divided into separate subchapters. Each new step in building basic skills must be completely completed before starting the next one. Take your time moving from one chapter to the next. It's akin to building a house—you start with the foundation and gradually build up the entire building.

If you get tired during training, stop and rest. Fatigue leads to ineffective shooting, and such inefficiency can become a bad habit that you will have to return to and correct over time.

If you are too tired to draw the string fully, you may begin to “understretch your bow.” This will be reflected in a short and inaccurate arrow flight as a result of not using the bow to its full potential. Another possible situation is that you will start releasing the arrow too early, because on a subconscious level your brain will send signals that you are too tired and can no longer hold the bowstring.

If for some reason you are internally depressed, then it is better not to start training, but to return to it another time when you have a more positive attitude. Internal depression leads to anger, which in turn disrupts the entire learning process and clouds the objectivity of judgment. Having a positive mental attitude affects you as an intuitive shooter as much as good equipment. It is better to fire just one arrow perfectly and with complete composure than a hundred in a more than disgusting manner.

You will need to set aside some free time for training, preferably every day, in a place free of distractions. Intuitive shooting requires, first of all, absolute concentration, especially at the beginning of training, which is difficult to achieve if chaos is happening around you. If you don't have a place to shoot at home, perhaps one of your kind neighbors has a place where you can hone your intuitive shooting skills,

Another possible option is a shooting range or archery store. Contact the seller and he may be able to give you some time to do some shooting. You'll feel less pressure if there's no one watching you, so you'll be better able to focus on shooting effectively rather than being showy. While it is important to shoot as often as possible, the quality of execution is much more important than the number of arrows fired. Continue shooting only as long as you can maintain concentration and proper shooting style.

Set goals for yourself, but be realistic. Don't exhaust yourself and avoid inner devastation. Remember - this is a learning process, and it should go at the speed at which it is more convenient for you. Some learn faster because they have natural skills and athletic ability, while others learn faster because of their persistence and enthusiasm.

How far you will progress in mastering intuitive shooting and how well you will do it depends entirely on your diligence, perseverance and positive inner attitude. Intuitive shooting is like in life: you get out of it exactly what you put into it.