Each of us at least once in our lives has encountered such a condition as mental pain. It can occur after the death of a loved one. Also, mental pain visits us when parting or being separated from a person who is very dear to us. Mental pain appears when our personal self-awareness suffers, we feel bad and our mind is looking for some way out of the current situation.
What is mental pain
Is there an organ in our body called the soul? Any doctor will answer no. But why then does it hurt? In fact, mental pain manifests itself in the discomfort of consciousness, in the violation of the integral “I”. When it’s difficult for you, it’s painful, you don’t want to accept a life situation and put up with it, your soul refutes information from the outside.
With mental pain, your heart contracts as if in a vice, it becomes difficult for you to breathe, your eyes are clouded, and your thoughts are concentrated on only one situation in your life. Mental pain does not allow you to live, work, or study normally. With severe mental pain, a person stops any social life, he closes himself within four walls and endlessly thinks, thinks, thinks... Perhaps he wonders if everything could have been different, if he could have prevented the current situation.
The human soul is like a living being that is sick during a period of serious emotional upheaval. And this soul, undoubtedly, must be treated so that it does not die. After all, if the soul dies, a person becomes cold, indifferent and angry at the whole world. This cannot be allowed.
Causes of mental pain
Mental pain can visit us in different life situations.
- The loss of a loved one causes extreme emotional pain. At first the person cannot come to terms with what happened. He denies in every possible way what happened and does not want to accept it. Gradually, his consciousness accepts and comes to terms with what happened - this is the next stage of experiencing what happened. A person learns to live without the deceased, builds his life without him. All stages of suffering from loss must be gradual and consistent so that a person gets rid of mental pain in the required time frame.
Usually grief goes away within a year of the absence of a loved one. After that, humility remains. Even in religion there are rules according to which you cannot cry for a long time for a deceased person, because “he will feel bad in the next world.” No one can check whether this is true, but long suffering will indeed not lead to anything good. - Parting with a loved one. This is also one of the most powerful experiences. When a close loved one leaves, the world collapses, as well as all the plans made for life together. It is important here not to forget the reason why the separation occurred. Did he leave you? Then why do you need him like that? If a person could not consider all your advantages, you should not run after him and humiliate yourself. There will be someone who will appreciate you. And if you left him, then do not forget about the reasons why you made such a decision. Every time you think about his “beautiful eyes,” remember why you decided to break up.
- Illness of a family member or friend. It is also quite a strong and painful feeling. Especially when the disease is serious. Mental pain gnaws at any stage of the disease, especially if a child is sick. Parents feel incredibly guilty. It seems to them that they could have saved, protected, and noticed minor symptoms earlier. The feeling of guilt for not looking after the child gnaws from the inside. In this case, you need to try to pull yourself together and tell yourself that you are not to blame for anything. This could happen to anyone. And in general, you have every opportunity to return a sick person to his former life. Be strong at least for his sake. And don't stop fighting.
- Betrayal. When there is a betrayal of a dear and close person, mental pain shackles all the insides. This is very difficult to experience. This is not only about love betrayal, although this is also, undoubtedly, betrayal clean water. A close friend or relative can also betray. After betrayal, the main thing is not to become angry at the whole world and not to become hardened. You need to accept that people are different and you didn’t get the best specimen.
- Humiliation. For a person, this feeling is another catalyst for severe mental pain. Children suffer when their parents undeservedly and unfairly punish them, a wife suffers from a tyrant husband, subordinates tiptoe around their demon boss in fear of losing their jobs. Such destruction of personality can be found all the time; it has a very strong effect on the psyche. A raped woman experiences the strongest emotional distress—mental pain remains with her almost until the end of her life. Getting rid of such an experience is not easy, because every time we replay the events of the ill-fated day in front of us and remember everything in detail. Any memory is like a knife stabbing into our heart. In this case, you need to understand that you are not to blame for the current situation, you were simply a victim in this case. Find the strength to accept this situation and move past it. Become stronger and prevent this from happening in later life.
These are the main, but not all, reasons why a person may experience mental pain. Anything can happen in life, because life is a series of good and bad moments, and you need to be able to cope with the negative.
- First and most important. After you have suffered, accepted and survived the situation, you cannot be left alone with it. You can’t isolate yourself and suffer, suffer, suffer. Your loved ones, family, and friends should help you with this. They should keep you busy with something interesting and exciting all the time. Try not to sit at home, go out for a walk, just wander around the city. Four walls won't cure your heartache.
- If your pain is mixed with anger, it needs to be poured out. Are you angry at a specific person, situation, life or fate? Buy a punching bag for home and hit it as much as you like. This way you can throw out your emotions and experiences.
- Animals are considered the best remedy for treating mental pain. They relieve anxiety, worries, and stress incredibly easily. Instead of a melancholic cat, it is better to choose a perky little dog that will not leave you sitting still. A trip to the dolphinarium will also be effective. Dolphins have a unique ability to charge with energy and give the desire to live.
- Forgive and ask for forgiveness. If the cause of your mental pain is guilt, repent. Ask for forgiveness from the person you offended. Conversely, if you are angry with someone, stop doing it. Mentally let the person go and be happy for the situation that happened. For example, if you were betrayed, understand that it’s good that it happened now, and not many years later. If you were wronged undeservedly and very strongly, let go and believe that fate will reward the offender what he deserves and will take revenge for you.
- Get creative. After all, mental pain creates a gap and emptiness that needs to be filled with something. Drawing, dancing, music, singing, and embroidery help to cope well with emotional experiences. You will be able to pour out all your pain into this activity and get rid of it forever.
- Constant self-destruction can lead to real illness in the body. So stop blaming yourself for what happened. Try to get rid of mental pain with help physical activity. A great choice is running. While running through the alleys, park or forest, you can be alone with yourself, listen to music and finally understand what exactly excites you. Another real way to relieve stress is swimming. The water will take away all your worries. Physical activity produces positive hormones that will help you cope with emotional distress.
- There is another way to get rid of worries and pain. Write everything that worries you on paper. All your tears, worries, worries - everything that makes you suffer. And then burn your letter and scatter the ashes to the wind. This psychological technique will force you to mentally let go of your emotional state.
How to prevent heartache from returning
Some people like to suffer. They have not experienced anxiety for a long time, but they are satisfied with the role of the victim. But we know that you are not like that. Therefore, you try with all your might to get rid of mental pain forever.
Don't make an icon out of your loss. If you are faced with such a terrible situation as the death of a loved one, survive it with dignity. In order not to return to the past every time, distribute all the things of the deceased, leaving something for yourself as a keepsake. There is no need to leave the room in the same condition as it was “with him/her.” This will make you suffer even more.
If you broke up with your love, there is no need to leave all your photos together in the most visible place in the room. It takes you back to worries and anxieties, to days of a past life. If you truly want to get rid of heartache, get rid of this pedestal of victimhood immediately.
Mental pain is common to everyone, because we are living people with our own feelings and emotions. If your soul hurts, it means you have it. Don't dwell on your shock, try to move forward into the future. Everything that does not kill us makes us stronger, remember this.
Video: how to overcome mental pain
A story of psychological suffering, heartache, as old as the world. The torments that “tormented the soul” and did not give the opportunity to “sigh and straighten their shoulders,” forcing people to plunge into the abyss of their experiences, are remembered and described by classics of literature. For us, pain becomes a necessary attribute of all stages of life development. In fact, it is true. Pain is a necessary and important link in an individual’s maturation and development as a person.
The peculiarity of the difference between mental (psychological) pain and physical pain is manifested in a person’s delayed response and “work” with it. When something in the body begins to hurt, a signal is triggered that some organ or system is experiencing a failure in the program and needs help and support. In most cases, a person seeks to treat himself and correct the functioning of the body’s internal system: visits to doctors’ offices and raids on pharmacies in search of medicines begin. A person has a clear goal: to recover as soon as possible and return to his usual way of life. The mental pain is different.
About mental pain and how we treat it
From the position of the average person, this kind of pain will be perceived through the phrases: “the soul hurts,” “there is a stone in the chest,” “heavy thoughts.” We see that in fact, people draw the concept of mental pain mainly from folk wisdom, their own experience and the experience of previous generations. However, on the practical side of the issue, how you can help yourself more professionally, it turns out that this knowledge is not enough. If everything is clear with physical pain, since there is a clear algorithm for action to cure the disease, then internal pain is more difficult and difficult to cope with. Often we can observe the picture that a person in such a situation does not know at all what to do and how to help himself cope with something that is “broken inside.” He remains blind to his needs, because pain is precisely about the need for something (attention, self-care). A person “keeps” the pain within himself and can continue to drift in his condition, in the hope that everything will “work itself out” and “time will heal.”
How to cope with mental pain: how pain can be useful to us
If through physical pain the body transmits to us signals of “malfunction” and serves as a reminder that we are still alive, it is a mistake to assume that psychological pain has other properties. Mental pain carries the same function, more subtle and sensual - informing us about the psychological state of the body. We may underestimate psychological comfort and the rules of mental hygiene, however, when the situation becomes critical for our body, the work of consciousness and the processes of the unconscious are turned on. The body begins to actively modernize itself and adapt to new environmental conditions.
What is psychological pain for? As noted above, these are important accents of the life scenario. It is the consequences of experiencing “crises”, “pain points” of our life path that shape the further development of a person. Experiencing mental pain is not an easy experience and is perceived negatively by many. However, mental pain also has a number of advantages, since it is a “signal” about possible positive changes in your personality. Among the positive aspects of experiencing pain are the following.
Mental pain as initiation and acquisition of new experience
Thanks to psychological discomfort, every time we find ourselves in a choice: move on or stay in place. Pain can be considered as a rite that will give impetus to the transition to a new stage of development, “initiation” into a more mature life. Any mental pain, for example: the breakup of a long-term relationship or short-term relationship, loss of a job or a quarrel with loved ones, is intended to make us wiser and adapt to the situation.
Psychological pain is a way of adapting to new conditions, acquisition or loss
Every crisis we go through is experienced with pain. When we find ourselves “at the bottom” of sadness and powerlessness, there is only one way to move forward - to rise up and develop. Mental pain can be associated not only with the loss of an object of affection: a break in a relationship, the death of a loved one, but also with the acquisition of new knowledge and experience of failure, acceptance of oneself and one’s shortcomings. The severance of a relationship is accompanied by the loss of a whole range of contexts for joint activities: walking, running a household, organizing and spending leisure time, joint professional activities, doing business, and much more. If the relationship with such a person was very significant for us or was characterized as codependent (when the boundary between “I” was erased and a “we” was created), the loss of such a relationship can entail an intense experience of psychological pain. Adapting to new conditions often causes discomfort, but thanks to this we can move on.
Pain is a reaction to violation of personal boundaries
Violation of personal boundaries, integrity and harmony of a person is also accompanied by psychological discomfort and loss of balance. We can lose something valuable not only in what is realized with the help of other people, but also in ourselves. After experiences we always become different, our attitude and perception change. Thanks to the intensity of pain, we can assess the degree of value of something significant to us.
If you compare the pain to the storm, then you may not know how you found yourself in the epicenter of these events, even how you got out safely, you will only know for sure, only one thing - that you will never again be the same person who entered the storm. You will be different. Pain is about growth and development.
Pain is a great opportunity to “hear” and “listen” to yourself
Mental pain is a great way to see your weaknesses and strengths, get to know your capabilities better, look at yourself in a new way, praise and take care of yourself, accept yourself and thank yourself; improve and outline a vector for further development. Thanks to crises we grow. Thanks to them, we improve and change. Therefore, it is not worth considering mental pain purely as a negative phenomenon. It's always an opportunity to improve yourself. If you change your attitude towards pain as necessary for personal development factor, the very perception and experience of psychological discomfort will change. It is important to remember that pain loves when people talk about it and express their emotions. The more and more intensely you speak out, the more “productive” your work with pain will be. Don't keep her to yourself and don't work with her one on one! Share what is on your mind, what you think about and what you worry about with others.
“When you feel unbearable, don’t say, I feel bad.
Speak, I feel bitter, for bitter medicine is used to treat a person.”
Weiner Brothers, "The Loop and the Stone in the Green Grass."
Heartache. No matter how much we would like to get rid of it once and for all, it is an eternal companion of our development, a lifelong journey. We lose loved ones, unexpectedly find ourselves faced with difficult choices, difficult circumstances overtake us, we break off relationships with loved ones... And then an uninvited guest comes - pain. It does not stand at the threshold, does not observe, but unceremoniously climbs into the soul, destroying in its path joy, hope, faith that we will one day be able to recover from this burden. And your arms drop, and your back hunches, and your heart is squeezed in a vice, and there is a lump in your throat, and you want to cry, and, hugging yourself by the shoulders, swing slowly and monotonously, like a pendulum counting down the endless stretching seconds...
And since mental pain comes to each of us sooner or later, we need to learn to coexist with it during this difficult period. This post will help you think a little differently about the mental suffering we all experience. And take bitter medicine in order to heal quickly.
The first thing I recommend starting with for those whose souls are hurting right now is to recognize the postulate that pain opens your eyes to the truth . She is actually an indicator of truth. This means that the time has come not to drown in sadness like a frog in milk, but to churn the butter with our actions and understand why this pain is given to us.
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First lesson in heartache.
Answer the questions: “What truth does mental pain point me to? What experience will I learn from this situation? Write them down in your diary and return to this entry periodically. Answer these questions again after a week from the date of the first answer, after a month, three, six months. You will notice how a feeling of gratitude for what happened begins to grow inside you. Pain was a stimulus for your development, for new qualitative changes occurring in your personality in particular, and in your world in general. Sooner or later, you will thank your pain for the fact that it made you raise your head and decide to take a step forward and up the ladder of life.
Although we call this pain mental, our body helps us recover from it. The body is the wisest instrument we possess, without fully realizing its greatness and almost limitless possibilities for emotional and physical regeneration. How can the body help? It's all about the relationship between emotions and physiology. An emotion, like a wave, passes through our body, and if the process is not interrupted, we live fully, without stress and psychosomatic illnesses. But if the emotion is not lived through, torn off or driven inside, it will manifest itself in our body in the form of muscle spasms, undiagnosed pain syndromes or diseases that are popularly called “diseases from the nerves.” In order to quickly get out of a painful state, you need to actually return the body to reality. Remember, when we are in pain, we seem to freeze in time, and this happens because we focus on the emotions that broke us, we get stuck in them, like in jelly. But reality interests us little. Therefore, the main task during this period is to turn on the body.
Second lesson of heartache.
If you don't exercise, start doing it. If you do, include these simple exercises in your program.
- Breathe, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Do this at your usual pace, do not take deep breaths to avoid hyperventilation. Focus on your breathing, try not to think about anything. 2-5 minutes will be enough.
- Sit on the floor, bend your knees and clasp them with your hands. Hands in a strong lock. Forcefully spread your knees to the sides, trying to break the restraining lock of your hands. Repeat 10 times.
- Stand up straight. Feet shoulder width apart. Knees slightly bent. Imagine that there is a piece of paper or newspaper on the floor below you, and you need to tear it with your feet. To more vividly imprint the image in your brain, you can actually stand on a sheet of newspaper and tear it apart with the force of your legs. An impression to remember. Repeat the exercise 10 times.
Do these simple exercises when sadness comes, when mental pain returns, when emotions take you into the past. Put your body into “here and now” mode and the pain will subside.
At a time when life is desperately difficult for us, we need to take extra care of ourselves and show ourselves love and respect no matter what. Three verbs that you should write down in your diary and look at them every day, three verbs that will slowly pull you out of the cave of mental pain. Three verbs: eat, sleep, walk. Watch your diet, don’t throw anything into yourself like into a furnace, try to provide your body with vitamins and do it regularly. Sleep is a very important component of our health. Go to bed early. The body recovers most actively from 22:00 to 03:00. This is actually a magical time when an hour of sleep compensates for huge losses. Practice micro-sleep during the day, small 10-15 minute sleep breaks. And move more, walk, walk. Get off two stops earlier and walk to work or home, spend the weekend in nature. Make it a habit to walk for at least 10 minutes during your lunch break.
And even when you feel unbearable, remember those who are close to you and begin to show concern. Sometimes it can be very difficult to do this, because all feelings and sensations are focused on yourself. But overcoming this selfishness, showing concern for another, you will feel an incredible surge of strength and desire to live. Because the people you help will thank you. And gratitude is the best incentive to get up and move on.
The third lesson of heartache.
Do good things, take care of others as if you were caring for yourself.
Whether you help your parents or children, whether you build a birdhouse, go to a public cleanup, give shelter to a homeless kitten, bring milk from the market to your old neighbor, the value of your action on a global scale is not so important. But if you see grateful eyes, if you feel how things inside you are slowly becoming brighter, if you want to cry, but there is a smile on your lips, then you are on the right path. This means your soul is being healed. And very soon you will be able to see your new life, in which there will be less pain, and the belief that you can handle it will grow stronger with every breath and step.
Many people know firsthand what mental, emotional and psychological suffering is in various life situations.
But why do people suffer from mental pain, when there is clearly no damage or wounds, and nothing, it would seem, threatens the existence of the human body.
Today, dear visitors, on the psychological help website you will learn: why do people suffer from mental wounds and how to get rid of this, sometimes unbearable, mental pain and how to stop suffering.
Mental pain - causes and consequences
Different people can be different - the strength and intensity of mental suffering depend on many things: on the cause (situation) and on the person’s attitude to this situation (on his beliefs); from the leading emotion, and from emotional tolerance; on a person's temperament, his sensitivity and his accentuation of character; from the personality itself and life scenario...The root cause of mental pain is it's a LOSS(loss), i.e. It is precisely when losing something, or more often SOMEONE, that a person begins to suffer, experiencing mental pain of varying degrees of severity.
The basic emotions of mental suffering are guilt, anxiety, fear and sadness (grief).
The main life situations that provoke mental pain and emotional suffering of a person are the loss of family and friends (death, separation from a loved one or significant person, divorce, betrayal, betrayal...), mental suffering is especially pronounced when one realizes the irrevocability of the loss and feels guilty.
Similar situations can occur in the life of any person, and anyone can experience sadness and grief of loss in life.
But the problem of protracted mental pain is that some people, due to their personal characteristics listed above, suffer not from a real negative event, but from numerous thoughts and fantasies about what happened, far-fetched and played out in their own heads.
They are engaged in “afterburning” the situation, soul-searching and negative fantasizing, which, as a result, leads them to distress, complicated depression, neurotic disorders and complete apathy and passivity. Sometimes it leads to suicide attempts, or its delayed version, for example, to alcoholism...
How to cope with mental pain and get rid of it forever
Long-term sufferers often ask psychologists: how to cope with mental pain what needs to be done for this.First you need to understand that mental pain, like physical pain, is a normal reaction of the body, in this case the psyche.
And if, for example, you hurt your hand and experienced pain, then by rubbing it, after a while the pain will go away. But if you imagine something terrible associated with this bruise, you may experience more pain and this terrible thing will come true.
Also, for ordinary people, mental pain goes away. For example, if you lost your love, and it was true love, then it is quite natural that you will suffer and grieve over the loss. But love is not a disease - there is no cure for it. Therefore, in order get rid of heartache it takes some time.
Filling up all your free time will help speed up the healing process of a mental wound, the same loss of love, for example.
In emergency, crisis and catastrophic situations, there are special psychological assistance services for “acute” mental pain, for example in the Ministry of Emergency Situations - they are free.
Instructions
The first thing you want to do is forget everything and run away. But the method of “buying a trip to the sea or a ticket to the village to visit your grandmother” is far from the best. It will give only immediate results. And then you will still need to return home to the real world. And then the pain will only become sharper. Everything in normal life will remind you of pain - the memory was muted for a short time. And upon her return, she will again capture the heart.
To get rid of pain, you need to name its cause. Speak it out loud clearly. Or write. The main thing is to realize. This may require an interlocutor - it could be a best friend or a psychologist. If the pain is caused by the loss of a loved one, you need to figure out what hurts the most about care? This could be fear or guilt before. If a loved one has left you, you need to understand what really happened as a result of his departure: lost confidence in the future or wounded pride.
Now you can begin to get rid of what reminds you of the cause of your mental pain. Remove for a while or completely throw away photographs and belongings of the person who is the source of pain. Or communicate less with him if he is still present in life. If the source of mental pain is the loss of a job, then do not read articles on professional topics and avoid communicating with former colleagues.
When the reason is named and realized, there is nothing that can remind of it, and the emptiness in life is filled with a favorite activity, you can say: “I am starting a new life in which there is no place for mental pain.” And start enjoying every day. Look for a way to do this. This could be a favorite song heard on the radio, a conversation with a loved one, a chocolate bar eaten at night, a walk in the rain barefoot and without an umbrella, buying a new dress or tie. There are many reasons for joy. There are many more of them than reasons for sadness! And every new day is a powerful pill against mental pain.