Disguising psychology amateurs in the community Psychologists themselves dress up as functioning as a “supposedly psychotherapeutic group.” The group’s responsibility is to assent in every possible way, praise, approve of what is written in the post and God forbid criticize the topic starter for his perverted weaknesses. General approval is now called a psychotherapeutic group, read psychological help. Professional psychologists are only surprised at the existence of such a MONSTER in the fields of LJ, where the regulars who imagine themselves to be Freuds and Rubinsteins are firmly barricaded. The strength of psychology professionals is so exhausted that they can only be indignant at the existence of such profanation of psychology in LiveJournal. Amateurism in any business brings nothing but harm. Imagine amateurism in medicine? Would you like to be treated by a doctor without a diploma who has read medical textbooks and books? I personally would not trust myself to half-educated or pseudo-doctors. But for some reason, home-grown, well-read kitchen psychologists believe that using the words projection, devaluation, mirroring and complexes, it is already possible to consult people with all their might on the platform of the “Be Your Own Psychologists” community, which has assigned itself the status of a therapeutic group. Amateurism is rampant here, and moderators “scan” PROFESSIONALS at the very first comments and immediately ban them. In this dubious community with NKVD rules, psychologists themselves, in terminology far from psychology, teach each other the wisdom of life, or rather, make the mistakes that they themselves have made. The terminology of the participants is a wild mixture of concepts from esotericism, magic, philosophy, parapsychology and the unprecedented art of whisperers. The self-confidence with which “experts” speak when defending their kitchen concepts is also quite funny. As one of the participants in the next meeting “Be Your Own Psychologists” correctly noted, video_lie_sex:
“I’m wondering... If a murderer or rapist writes to the community, will the group also be obliged to “work for the topicstarter”? I’m simply amazed how some authors openly admit that by generally accepted standards it is considered...uh...how to put it mildly...But commentators cannot condemn this, the rules do not allow it. And it turns out that in the community people receive support for their views and values, which are condemned in a normal society... I don’t mind, I’m just wondering to what extent people’s vices will find support here? Can rapists write here about their experiences or not yet? "
And what can amateurs of psychology do if not to assent, not to praise and not to pat on the head a deviant or a repentant child of vice? After all, professional psychologists in this community are often banned for telling the truth and for making harsh statements against amateurs, and here you can get advice from a random passerby. It doesn’t matter that he understands psychology like a sheep in the Bible. Here is an example when another user turned out to be a disgraced opponent of amateurs, this is redzhop:
“Thank you for succinctly formulating what is truly inherent in random commentators (users who are far from psychology). They say that there are only 1% of professional psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists here. I’ve been just reading the community for a long time and I get the impression that there is a lot of advice given out by amateurs in psychology. The terminology gives everyone away. I agree that in this community people receive support for their views and values, which are frowned upon in normal society. I also got the impression of general assent and approval of what causes cognitive dissonance in a normal person. Does this community have the status of a “therapeutic group”? I wonder what professional psychologists think about such a “therapeutic group of assenting and nurturing deviations”? It would be interesting to know the unbiased opinion of other professional psychologists and their clear view of this problem of universal approval of human vices. And the user video_lie_sex /it seems to me/ raised an important topic and indicated very precisely where the vector of attention of community coordinators should be directed. It is unpleasant to observe from the outside how fellow citizens with a sick worldview try to root their ideas with approval. In no way did I want to offend the community owner with this comment. Nothing but a wish to focus attention on the comments of video_lie_sex "
It is not surprising that in a community of amateurs with established traditions of cultivating certain liberties called human vices, both users were banned.
Amateurism, if it does not go beyond kitchen chatter, is not dangerous. It is much more dangerous when amateurs go to public platforms and begin to broadcast from the position of professional psychologists, without essentially being one. This is dangerous because of the misconceptions into which amateurs introduce attentive listeners, who believe every word they write due to their youth and inexperience.
Maybe respected professional psychologists will finally have their say and give an assessment of the PROFANITY OF THE PSYCHOLOGIST PROFESSION by the community “Psychologists themselves”???
It's weird, yes. True, not only people sing. Too lazy to Google, offhand I only remember wolves and dogs. These are, in general, people’s assumptions that they are transmitting some information to each other. It seems to me that they are simply expressing their emotions. Just like people :)
Actually, as usual, I wanted to talk about myself, and not a scientific article at all :)
I first picked up a guitar when I was 15 years old (God, I'm so old!). I tried very hard, learned a lot of songs. At first she faked it shamelessly; I remember my stepfather saying: “Your voice is the only way to shout in the toilet, ‘it’s busy!’.” My mother was freaking out (she always freaked out, nothing strange), but for some reason I wasn’t offended, I just covered the hole in the instrument’s body with a notebook and tried to sing more quietly. Over time, my ear developed, and I even began to select chords myself.
Well, that's what I mean. I don’t know how this happens to other people, but for me it’s absolutely clear: I sang when my life was very bad. I sang when I lived with my mother. When I lived with my ex-husband. And I abruptly stopped (I didn’t touch the guitar at all for 10 years) when I got married for the second time. I felt so good, why else sing?))
Three years ago, but no, it was in 2012, how quickly time flies... I noticed that military songs somehow became especially close to me emotionally. So much so that I couldn’t not only sing but listen to them without tears. It was as if some kind of mental wound had opened, and I began to feel all the pain of a huge country, of every child left orphaned, of every mother who had lost her children...
I thought it would pass. I tried to get to the bottom of the reasons for such changes, so that, having understood the cause, I could somehow change the consequences. I love these songs, I grew up listening to them, but as soon as I start listening, I really break into hysterics. I don’t want any hysterics, after all! But nothing changed for 7 years, until I got angry and decided to do a concert on May 9th.
At first it was very difficult to rehearse. After singing a couple of verses, I rested for a long time, sniffling and gathering strength to finish the song. However, each time it became easier and easier. It is impossible to cry and try to remember the chords and not mix up the words at the same time. As a result, I performed pretty well and never failed. Let go. Now it hurts me just as much to think about that terrible war, but I don’t break into hysterics. It was as if something had healed and a scar remained, still very sensitive. It turns out that songs are not only entertainment, but also medicine?
Just recently I noticed that I am afraid of getting old. Now I will sing about old age. How else? ;)
- September 2nd, 2019 , 04:39 pm
I'm still embarrassed to talk about it. Even in the psychological group I was silent for three years. I couldn’t, and that’s all. I feel ashamed, as if it was all my fault, and even worse - as if I was so “bad” that I somehow “deserved” all of this. And I want to “disgrace” a “good person” with my “stupid complaints.”
I lived with an abuser for 13 years (and this after a sociopathic mother, yeah). And recently, exactly the same amount of time (strange, right?) after the divorce, I seemed to see the light and suddenly realized that in fact I was not “loved”, as was often declared out loud, but was offended, broken, made dependent and used (yes, there is such a thing as “lyuboff”). They instilled a bunch of complexes and self-doubt. And this is not my fault at all. In fact, he should be ashamed of the way he treated me (no, he is never ashamed).
Against the backdrop of this realization, I finally went and filed for alimony, why waste it))
Of course, she remained guilty, but I don’t give a damn.
- February 7th, 2019 , 10:12 am
In the summer I attended a school for foster parents (FPS). For those not in the know, this training is now mandatory for all parents who decide to adopt a foster child. When asked if I have any plans to take in an adopted child, I’m not ready to answer yet, everything is complicated, and I simply have no desire to explain anything, so sorry, over time everything will become clearer on its own :) .
That's not what I want to talk about now.
Frankly, I went to this school with doubts. It seemed to me - well, what can aunts who have one or two children each tell me, a mother who raised five children? I’m experienced, I already know everything. It turned out that I was very mistaken. The SPR provides psychological knowledge that is now impossible to obtain anywhere else (except perhaps in rehabilitation centers for children and adolescents who have been subjected to violence - but who will give it to you there?) By the way, I am sure that all child psychologists would do well to attend such schools , just to better understand children. Because orphanhood is much more common than is commonly thought. And now I’m not talking about marginal families at all, but about quite ordinary ones. Let's say where dad left mom and - at the same time - the children. Or the young parents studied/worked/went out, and “gave” the child to the grandmother, visiting for half an hour once a week. In this case, certain complexes of the orphan are necessarily formed, later influencing the whole subsequent life.
Unexpectedly, it turned out that this topic is much closer to me than I thought. I learned a lot about myself. What I always knew and did not attach any importance to it. And then the pieces of the puzzle came together.
I was with my mother until I was 9 months old. Then she gave me to my grandmother - a relative by blood, but a complete stranger to me. The child’s psyche perceives this as “my mother abandoned me.” And my grandmother, whom I had seen several times before and, due to the immaturity of an infant’s memory, did not even remember, adopted me. No, of course, no papers were drawn up; children don’t care about papers at all; for them it’s a parallel universe. The main thing is fear (everyone is a stranger around), longing for mom, a feeling of total helplessness. Then the child gets used to it, but the trauma remains.
I understood why all my life I was offended by my grandmother because she didn’t love me “enough.” This is common to all abandoned children, and can only be treated by long-term communication with a good psychologist. (Simply being aware is not enough. Trauma does not heal.) For example, a family lives opposite me with an adopted girl. She is already approaching 30 years old, and all her life she has believed that her adoptive mother does not love her. He really loves him, he loves him very much. Like me - my grandmother, who essentially became my adoptive mother. It's actually a psychological transference. The one who abandoned her did not love her. And the adoptive mother, no matter how golden she is, will not be able to fill this hole, no matter how hard she tries. And she will always be “guilty”.
I understood why I deified my own mother, preferring to endure her sociopathy, turn a blind eye to beatings and humiliation, firmly believing that she still loved me. This is also typical for an abandoned child. But to the one who was never adopted. More precisely, to someone who never found a loving mother. Then, growing up, these children can become embittered towards the whole world. Fortunately, this did not happen to me; I had a different situation: due to the constant feeding of my thirst for love from my mother, everything dragged on until I was 30 years old. (Why and why she did this is below.)
I understood why I always tried, and even now, out of habit, I try to please everyone around me and the first people I meet. And why do I avoid open conflicts in every possible way, I am afraid to show aggression in self-defense. They once said about me: “she knows how to please people” - I was even surprised, because... I didn't make a conscious effort to do this. This was my usual behavior.
This is what children do in orphanages. For an abandoned child, being liked by the adults around him is not at all a matter of pleasure. In fact, this is a manifestation of the fundamental instinct - to survive at all costs. If the psyche breaks down at the same time, it’s not so important. This thing is called "fuzzy" attachment.
()
I understood why my mother became a sociopath. Violation of attachment in childhood inevitably turns into a mental disorder. As a child, she was often punished and sent to live with relatives. Her weak mother could not protect her from her stepfather's abuse. All this together resulted in disorganized attachment. Its main manifestations in adulthood are that a person does not believe in love and friendship, understands only strength, cunning, calculation, and uses them to influence others. Ingratiation with the strong and aggression towards the weak (by the way, this thing is clearly expressed by the neuropsychologist Lunkina from).
()
Along the way, I understood why there are quite frequent cases of adopted children returning. Parents, having not dealt with their own traumas, cannot help the child heal his trauma, and they themselves are constantly re-traumatized by it. There is only one way out of this situation - long and painstaking work between the parent and a psychologist. With a good psychologist, not just any one. When you have a child with inappropriate behavior in your arms, few people have enough time and energy for their own treatment. It’s easier to return it and forget everything, like a bad dream.
I understood why seemingly normal, adequate adults suddenly begin to systematically cripple the psyche of their innocent children. Because when a child grows to the age at which the parent was injured, something suddenly clicks in the parent’s head, the so-called psychological transference is triggered, and he begins to give away all the negativity that he himself received in childhood. And this passes from generation to generation...
I realized that the information that only future adoptive parents in the ShPR receive now, and only a few of them comprehend, should be conveyed to every parent. In general, up to every person. This is too global a topic to be ignored. If you think about it, this is not even a problem of individual people, but of the entire society as a whole, and childhood deprivation has enormous negative consequences. Even to the point of closing hospitals, depriving sick children of adequate treatment, raising the retirement age and dooming the elderly to starvation - indifference to the fate of others is precisely characteristic of those who were deprived of love in childhood. Hello to the Institute of kindergartens and 24-hour nurseries, we now have what we have.
Okay, this seems far-fetched, because it is too global and it is difficult to draw parallels. In fact, I would like to advise everyone who has the opportunity to go to SPR. It may be inconvenient in terms of time, but it is absolutely free and does not oblige you to anything. Just to gain knowledge. For us all to live better lives, society must change. And, as usual, you need to start with yourself.
- January 17th, 2019 , 01:35 pm
I got sick again. Yes, as much as possible. It seems like I was sick recently, where is my acquired immunity?
I have a picture in my head of the entrance to an unlit labyrinth. Corners, corners lost in the darkness. If you look, you can see someone's shadows hiding around the bend. These are my thoughts. If I want to say something meaningful, I fall silent, freeze, watch the tails run away. Outwardly I give out completely meaningless fragments of words and interjections. Funny.
Yesterday I fell asleep several times in the middle of the day. Between trips: transporting children to and from school has not been cancelled. True, in the evening I shamelessly canceled their yoga classes: I had absolutely no strength.
It’s easier today, apparently, the crisis happened yesterday.
I continue. These are bacteria, and, of course, they are not able to fight the virus. But they may well prevent the development of a subsequent bacterial infection: bronchitis, cough, that’s all. It worked last time. I was sick for 4 days, severely, but without consequences. Now there is a very slight cough, rather an episodic cough. Let's see how it goes.
I have news in terms of psycho-healing (or what should I call it? I’m having trouble thinking).
It started with the fact that just before the new year, I suddenly went through all the things that my mother-in-law once brought me from her youngest son: “these will suit yours when they grow up.” I had them for eight years. Lots of bags. They took up half the bedroom, I’m not kidding, creating the feeling of a barn and junk. Where else would mice gnaw them in the basement or garage? And I was always afraid to part with them: what about the war, and there will be nothing to wear? No, really, that’s exactly what it felt like. Fear. I actually have a lot of fears. For example, I'm afraid of winter. What if there is no heating and we freeze?
Well, here we go. The fear suddenly ended. I went through all these bags, chose the one that suited my boys (and the fact is that my mother-in-law’s son is fat, and mine are thin, you can fit both of them into your pants, one in each pant leg), and gave the rest to the church. There were 34 large bags. Yes, you heard right, thirty-four. And I left three. Can you imagine the magnitude of my fear?))
Well, here we go. At the same time, I stopped being afraid of winter. And in some strange way - public speaking.
This is very strange and joyful, because I’ve been playing the guitar and singing for almost 30 years (God, I’m so old already!), and even 15 years ago I tried to perform on stage. But it was terrible. No self-conviction, logical reasoning (about the fact that I won’t be eaten, after all) and other reasoning did not help. Because it didn’t reach them. I went on stage and saw a full hall of eyes looking at me. A wave of adrenaline rolled through my body, starting from my throat - as if I had inhaled mustard. The brain immediately forgot everything: words, chords, and logic. There was a hoop around my chest: I couldn’t breathe. As a result, I somehow squeezed out 3-4 songs (necessarily screwing up one) and left on shaky legs.
This did not go away and did not change in any way, no matter how carefully I prepared and how much I rehearsed. In the end, I realized that this is stronger than me, and performing gives me more negative emotions, rather than positive. Apparently, this was the reason why I abandoned the guitar for 10 years. Of course, I forgot everything during that time.
And then a friend organized a guitar club. I’m in it too, but with a condition: no performances, and don’t ask. It was like this for about a year, I was embarrassed to sing even in a narrow circle of “my own people.” And suddenly it let go. I went on stage with virtually no preparation, with a notebook of songs (I remember only the oldest! horror!), sang 4 or 5, I don’t remember. There was no such adrenaline, I could figure everything out, I felt light and free. I made a mistake a couple of times, but so what. In short, I sang until I completely calmed down and felt a buzz from what was happening. It's funny that the audience liked it too :)
Now I’m sitting, going through an old songbook, intending to sing a lot and often :)
- December 17th, 2018 , 06:20 pm
Time after time in my life I come across this situation.
There is a person with whom we communicate regularly. For various reasons, we communicate, it could be “like a friend” (like, because later it turns out that Kagbe is not a friend at all), or, for example, the attending physician. Or just an acquaintance with whom we regularly cross paths. Gender is not important here, this happens to both men and women, so “friend” and “doctor” can be of any gender, for simplicity I denote it by the commonly used one.
In the process of communication, this person provides me with some services. Sometimes it’s one-sided, more often it’s mutual, sometimes it even happens that I provide the services. Or like a doctor at a paid appointment. He gave me a consultation - I told him the amount he assigned, how much he values his time and knowledge. Essentially an equal exchange.
And against the backdrop of complete well-being, at some point, attacks suddenly begin on me. Without warnings or declaration of war. Screams, accusations, harsh teasing, attempts to crush and force to make excuses.
And since childhood I don’t know what to do in such cases. My reaction is to freeze, become invisible, then quietly fade away and try to never communicate with this person again. In order for me to defend myself, I need to be brought to an almost insane state, which rarely happens. Even though I can protect others in such cases, I have no fear. But I can’t do it myself. I feel constrained by the feeling that I was actually being provided a favor! (even if it's not) I've been blessed! How dare I, you ungrateful pig, open your mouth!
Naturally, it comes from childhood, but I can’t remember where exactly.
And I don’t know how else you can react to this without slipping into a scandal or making excuses.
()
And I also think - what is it about me that different people over and over again try to bend me, crush me, force me to obey? Is this the way the world is or is it me?
Talk to me, will you?
- September 19th, 2018 , 11:48 am
- December 26th, 2017 , 12:03 pm
A problem I've lived with all my life. Not being able to isolate, identify and give it a name.
Why a name? The named one is easier to deal with; it ceases to be a blurry spot and acquires clear boundaries. It's clear where to aim.
I think many of my subscribers have noticed that I like to do all sorts of rather complex and labor-intensive things, and then brag about what I’ve done. Boasting, in itself, is not a very beautiful phenomenon, but it is not rare and quite common. If it weren’t for a small, invisible nuance to outsiders. I don't feel the slightest satisfaction from what I've done. Not an ounce of pleasure. Not a shadow of self-pride. On the contrary, I always have the feeling that the thing - yes, it turned out quite well, and even probably good. But I had nothing to do with it, I was just passing by. Moreover, if someone else does the same thing, then I am able to appreciate it and admire both the thing and the creator. Completely sincerely and without envy. That is, the device in my head fails on me, in the “self-esteem” switch position. At the same time, the mind seems to agree - yes, it was done cool. But emotions pretend that this has nothing to do with them. Empty. And assessing with your head does not work when it is not accompanied by the necessary emotions. It was as if I had read in a newspaper about someone else. Perhaps someone can gain moral satisfaction by objectively comparing themselves with the statistical average and realizing that they are no worse. Unfortunately, this doesn't work for me. Yes, I compare, I’m no worse - but it’s like it’s not me.
(And then I remembered when I still experience a similar feeling.
When I'm driving on a narrow road, there's one lane in each direction and a narrow shoulder, and I need to turn left. I slow down, letting the oncoming traffic pass, a tail of several cars forms behind me, waiting for me to finally turn and clear the way for them. And then it hits me: I shouldn’t be here. I have to disappear so as not to disturb others. Don't turn, don't drive straight, but simply disappear. Like an annoying, meaningless nuisance. This is a rather unpleasant feeling, it’s good that a few seconds after I finally turn, it goes away.
When I am praised for what I have done, I also want to disappear. This is even worse than being scolded. Because in this case I develop resistance and anger. I protect myself with them, I can survive. When praised, there is nothing to defend yourself with, other than mumbling that “it’s not difficult, anyone could do it if they wanted.”
I don’t know what to do with this yet. It seems like this is still the same topic of right to exist. I decided to go from the other side.
“What should I do to feel good?” - I asked myself.
I thought about it for three days, periodically returning my thoughts. When I made jewelry, which almost always aroused admiration among the people, nothing. After the greenhouse I didn’t feel it. After half the stove, it didn’t happen either. Well, maybe we need to fold the oven entirely in order to do that? But something tells me that this won’t work either. What kind of crap is this, I seem to be working, trying, but I’m constantly dissatisfied with myself.
And then yesterday the 18th suddenly arrived, when Sashka’s pension was brought, and the postwoman came in the morning. Somewhat new, not ours. She’s already used to it and isn’t surprised. And this one, looking around at the mess in the hallway, said nothing, but noticeably winced. Not even with my face, but inside, inside myself - I feel such things. If I had said something with my face or my face, I would have been enraged, offended, and still would not have understood anything.
I don’t know, maybe in some other cultures it’s different, but in our country a woman should keep order in the house. And if she doesn’t watch, then she’s a bad housewife.
So, I'm always a bad housewife. That's how it all just turned out. Either I don’t have time to clean, then I don’t have the energy, then there are more interesting things to do (well, I don’t like cleaning, what can I do), then I simply feel like if a plane crashed into the garden, I would sigh and turn away. I can be a wonderful mother, cook greenhouses and lay stoves, but damn it, still be bad! And the worst thing is that no matter how much I convince myself otherwise, it doesn’t work. Because I believe that I am a bad housewife. And this is objective. I'm ashamed to invite guests. Why, it’s embarrassing to talk about all this. But we must look for a way out.
Psychologists themselves are not a rarity in LiveJournal, but a long-established popular niche. Just look at the LiveJournal community of the same name. Everyone is interested in answers to pressing questions, and in this simple way the public migrated from the forums to LiveJournal, which in itself is funny.
Why are there so many psychologists on LiveJournal? No, any psychologist’s blog on LiveJournal is, first of all, self-advertising, free and daily. Greed? No, if the business of putting things in order in your head brings results. LiveJournal is a platform where “sheets” of text are still met with approval, so the bulk of the public here are people who read. It’s one thing to read a “yellow” article for the sake of a rating, another thing is to read a clever text that may be useful. The old-time psychologists in LiveJournal are unreadable for an unprepared person.
However, if they put a gun in my head and said: “Choose what is better - leaving “yellowness” or pseudo-psychology in the TOP,” I would choose the second. And only for the reason that, unlike “shocking photos” that clog your head with rubbish of unnecessary information, the latter can actually benefit someone. An important clarification - for some, but not for everyone.
Psychologists, whether they are certified specialists or self-taught, can smell skeptical people a mile away, and try to cut off such passengers if they do not accept the “party policy.” Take a look at the “closed” blogs of similar TOP authors. You can read them, but you cannot burst into an angry comment, since only friends can comment, that is, precisely the target audience of insecure, unhappy people who came to LiveJournal in order to get answers to their so far rhetorical questions.
For example, such closeness and unwillingness to listen to justified criticism addressed to oneself turns off many, although it must be admitted that in LiveJournal with reasoned criticism it is more difficult than not getting dirty while eating shawarma.
Indeed, criticism unbalances many; this applies not only to psychologists. Most bloggers ban everyone they don’t like mercilessly, as if weeding a garden bed. I, on the contrary, frankly enjoy trolling, in fact, the slogan of LJ is “live communication”, for the sake of it everything was started, so why hide, no matter what kind of communication it is. In this regard, I respect those people who can afford to criticize themselves, but do it reasonably. There is no need to confuse criticism, insults and threats; in LiveJournal this happens all the time.
Recently, a new phenomenon in “couch” psychology has appeared in LiveJournal - Olga Yurkovskaya, who in a short period of time managed to create both an army of admirers and an army of ill-wishers thanks to her incredible love for posting promos. I promised you to conduct something like an investigation into who she is yurkovskaya and what they eat it with.
As I understand it, the majority reacted negatively to Yurkovskaya because of excessive annoying advertising, as well as her success, because envy has always been in human nature. For example, what is the description of your activity worth: “I am a rich psychologist. Unlike my not very wealthy colleagues, I earn more than a million rubles a month.”
However, this is not surprising, given that Yurkovskaya lives in the Emirates, where her business is located. Surely, after presenting oneself in such a way (especially the numbers), everyone is completely blown away, hence the first negative impression, which is formed due to banal envy.
Further. I went online to find information about Yurkovskaya, but almost all the links kindly provided by Google lead to Olga’s personal pages. Then, without thinking twice, I wrote to her directly in a personal message. Like, give me the “key” to all the doors to your paid courses, I want to get stuck in a little and analyze, which is usually not typical for me. Some time later, Yurkovskaya responded and agreed. And now, having watched a dozen training videos on various topics, I give my verdict.
I’ll say right away that I watched it a lot with my wife. In several passes. Personally, I was fascinated by the topic of raising children. I’ll tell you in a nutshell (there won’t be enough letters) - you can’t pamper children, you can’t buy everything they ask for, otherwise they will grow up infantile, without the desire to want anything, in Russian, without motivation.
It would seem that these are truisms that anyone can come up with. However, Yurkovskaya chews it so hard that a toothless granny could swallow it. I have always said that children should plow as soon as they learn to walk and change their own pants. Well, not literally, of course, but so that the desire to buy oneself, for example, the first push-button telephone, does not arise from the parents’ attempts to absolutely provide their child with everything necessary, but from personal motivation.
Simplicity of presentation of thoughts is Yurkovskaya’s main weapon. Modern pseudo-psychologists in LiveJournal are like aliens from another planet. To read, for example, the well-known lady named Evolution (who came up with that?!), you first need to study the specifics of the terms and images that she uses. If you are not in the know and start to your misfortune, like me, reading this reminds me of some kind of gibberish. It's long and difficult. Yurkovskaya is many times more accessible. One can argue about the amount of “water”, but it is impossible to do without an introductory part.
In short, brevity is the sister of talent. I wouldn’t take all the courses in a row and watch a trillion videos, but I singled out two things for myself - raising children and the money course. So Yurkovskaya is for those who want effective psychological help simply and quickly. And it’s free, which is important.
Yurkovskaya also presents herself competently. In short - “I have well-mannered children, I have money and I live in the Emirates.” It is logical to learn success from successful person, I think so. It is unlikely that you would take some kind of money course from a budget woman in torn tights. Because the key factor of trust in a person is his personal success. And nothing else.
Quote:
— It’s normal that a business sometimes generates income, sometimes it doesn’t.
- No, the business must generate constant income that covers all costs of pleasure.
Do you, friends, use the services of psychologists in LiveJournal? If yes, which ones? Who are you reading?
Hello. Reason, people!!!
I can’t understand “what follows from what...”
There is a lover. This lover is not one of those series where he provides for you and you pay for it with your body, no... Somehow, on a mutual basis and on an emotional basis, we decided to devote ourselves to each other several hours a week... he - a man who has known the “zen” of family life, has an ex-wife and a loving son. Okay, this is all clear. I am a young girl, quite self-sufficient, interested in something in small ways, I work and support myself, and have some experience in relationships. Let's get back to what worries me. We have been in “such” relationship with him for three months. For me, such relationships are new, it was hard to get used to and not right away, but because... my partner is quite understanding, wise, and maybe even somewhere infatuated with me, everything turned out quite tolerably... and quite recently a question arose from him: “What are you using protection for (that is, condoms)? For contraception or are you afraid of getting infected?”
I answered, but I didn’t answer entirely truthfully: “Yes, I’m afraid of getting pregnant because I don’t want to have an abortion” - that’s my answer. I kept silent about the fact that I am a carrier of the human papillomavirus. The Internet and doctors claim that it is safe and does not harm the body at all, and that 80% of the population are such, and that when a person with good immunity cannot transmit or “take” this virus
I had a painful experience when I transmitted this virus to a healthy person (I assume when I was weakened and had low immunity - now I monitor this very carefully).
The dilemma is that I want to tell my partner-lover (since such a question has arisen), but I can’t understand what motivates me - is it honesty and trust? I can also not tell, but there will be no honesty, and what if it later manifests itself and I won’t be able to do anything... of course, there is a fear that our relationship will end - and it will be a pity, because an intimate relationship - in a nutshell, that’s what I haven’t been there yet... I ask you to help me come to a common conclusion with questions or opinions that may resonate with me or, on the contrary, will be unnatural for me... I will be glad to answer clarifying questions. Thank you in advance.
In general, I am in some kind of hole, emotionally.
I am 39 years old, three children and three marriages. Now married, my husband is 7 years younger than me. She was always cheerful, her boyfriend). She’s not fat and not ugly, people don’t shy away or cross themselves in the street, at least I haven’t noticed.
The first marriage was due to his youth, both were young, we were not familiar with the compromise, and life with his parents did not work out. The marriage lasted more than a year and a half. The second marriage was “forced”, she wanted to run away from her mother, she is a tough person. I was just over 30. But the more I lived with this man, the more terrible it became. He turned out to be very tough towards children. I preferred swinging (passed me by) and nudist beaches. I'm not a prude, but I don't feel comfortable walking around naked in front of people. The divorce was difficult. At this moment I began to communicate with my current husband. When we met, he was very quiet, an introvert, but on the contrary, I am an extrovert. Dili into two different cities. She flew to him. She was the happiest. And I felt so beautiful and desired. As a result, they began to live together, not without difficulties, but this feeling did not leave me. I didn’t leave until I became pregnant and one day I saw a selection of porn on my computer. I got up in the morning and found my husband masturbating to porn. We had sex very rarely, I was overcome with desire, and he avoided me. Probably sex with a pregnant woman is so-so pleasure... I cried and cursed, but his passion only grew. A child was born, sleepless nights and everything was as expected. I was tickled like a cat just by the sight of my husband, but I didn’t want to return to us for sex more than 1-2 times a week. All talk is in vain. The child is now two, yes, I have gained a little weight, but I try to play sports. In a recent quarrel, my husband said that I am not well-groomed, but there is no money for you, but you come up with something yourself and sex... I want this to end quickly (((basically, he walked over me with a steamroller. He also watches porn( admitted that this has been an addiction since childhood), he has a bunch of photos of women with gorgeous breasts, which I can’t show off after feeding. After a quarrel, he said that he said this specifically to hurt me and that I’m beautiful. But this is not the first time such words and Then it’s impossible to believe that I’m beautiful at all, especially that I have big and beautiful breasts. Yes, I compare myself with those photos and understand that he likes girls who are not at all like me. What hurts me most is that I I don't look at other men and don't evaluate them. For me, my husband is ideal. He has his shortcomings, but I never paid attention to them, much less told him. Always there, supporting. To my questions, why does he need this on his phone everyone is angry and says that it’s just like an assessment of “cool boobs”, but I can’t eat, why save it. We have access to each other's phones. I saw the photo by accident when he was looking for a photo of the child. And the women showed up. I don’t want to talk to him and be close to him, but it’s better than if he was walking. But it's just a choice. My attitude towards porn is possible, but not having a collection and watching it every day... from always cheerful, with a lot of emotions and the desire to go somewhere, organize our time, it turned into a gray mass. I don’t believe him when he compliments, because when he’s upset he says something else. help me
Hi all.
I’ll say right away that the situation doesn’t bother me, so I’m not looking for advice, I’m telling you simply because I think it might be interesting.
It's like a TV series or a movie.
I am a 34 year old man. I was married for less than a year and divorced 3 years ago, currently in a new relationship and getting ready for marriage. Last time we got married in a frenzy. We hardly knew each other, we were overwhelmed by passion and sexual impulse. So when we started living together, life took a turn for the worse. Constant quarrels, insults, accusations. I suspect that we are both not completely mentally healthy. Both are extremely suspicious and unstable. They constantly suspected each other of treason, checked their phones, looked for something. I especially distinguished myself in this matter. And I did find it, but more on that later. What added fuel to the fire was that she is a flight attendant, looks very good, and, in my subjective opinion, in their environment sleeping with each other is the norm.
But sex covered everything, I’ve never had sex like with her with anyone else. She is very liberated, insatiable and open to experimentation, and most importantly, I wanted to give her pleasure. Not just sexual intercourse, but full-fledged foreplay, games, the process of getting her an orgasm.
Like I said, I'm currently engaged to my current girlfriend, we've been together for 2 years, we're doing well, we're soul mates. Even if we quarrel, we easily move away, forgive, and support each other. In material terms, the situation is completely opposite. In our first marriage, we had to survive, which was one of the biggest reasons for our discord; now we have enough for everything we want. The only thing that a real relationship lacks is a sexual spark. Yes there is sex. He is regular. But he doesn't blow the roof off. I am rather lazy, lacking initiative, and marital duty is more of a duty than a pleasure for me. I think this situation is common and familiar to many. Deviation is different.
As I already said, we were, and probably are, not quite mentally healthy. I was haunted by constant paranoia and jealousy. From a certain point, I began to look through her phone, messages, photos, and so on. The turning point came when I connected to her messenger and literally a couple of weeks later I discovered that she, through a friend, was meeting a man. I was stupid and unrestrained, so I showed my cards and caused a scandal. Of course, she denied everything, although the facts were clear. In her justification, we can say that by that time she had not changed in the classical sense, although I think that things were heading towards that. After this scandal, we lived apart for some time, then got back together to continue torturing each other.
She didn’t understand then how I was tracking her correspondence, so for some time I watched what she was doing. Another man came forward, with whom the correspondence was of such a nature that they missed each other, he offered sex, including a threesome with another girl, she laughed it off, he sent her his naked photos. This is how we lived, constant squabbles and suspicions. When the correspondence with the second one was revealed there was a very big scandal, even to the point of a fight on her part, and we finally parted ways. In fact, if she loved me, it was only at the beginning, then the feelings evaporated.
The bottom line is that she was looking for some opportunities, but I didn’t catch her hand, which is difficult in principle, since she is a flight attendant and it’s not difficult to sleep in secret in hotels abroad. I often remember her, although 3 years have passed, inside me there is anger against her and at the same time lust. I would really like to continue sleeping with her, to realize the fantasies I dream about, to return that passion that was. Naturally, given my current relationship, this is impossible, besides ex-wife I wouldn't do that. We parted very badly.
So about mental deviation. I'm currently reading the book "1984". In it, the main character lives in a world of total control and lack of feelings. At some point, he meets a girl who tells him, “I’ve slept with hundreds, well, well, dozens.” And this admires him most about her. This protest against the system, its sexual unbridledness. Perhaps inspired by the book and my thoughts, today I had a distinct dream, as if I had found a collage of photographs where my ex-wife is naked with various men, but for some reason I remember dark-skinned ones, having group sex. A lot of candid photographs and they were clear as if in reality. It was literally before waking up and I suddenly understood clearly - this is exactly what I was looking for. I realized that I was afraid that she would be dirty, lustful, promiscuous sex life. But now, and perhaps even then, in my subconscious I wish that it would be so. Apparently, I want all the most terrible things (in my understanding) that I glorified to be reality. I understood before, but now I clearly realized that one of the most attractive features of her was that she was a slightly mentally ill, unhealthy person (like myself), and I may be trying to make her even more vicious than she There is.
I live like this, realizing that there will no longer be such brightness in my life.
Hello, I decided to write to the community so that after reading the comments I can look at myself from the outside. In general, you need to speak out, but you can’t tell your loved ones, so I decided to write here. I am 35 years old, I am married, I have two wonderful children, 10 and 5 years old, and a wonderful husband. Married for 10 years. I never bothered with my appearance, but nature rewarded me with an attractive appearance, a beautiful figure, in general, there were always a lot of men around and I liked it. Before marriage, I enjoyed having affairs, often dating two men at the same time, honestly and sincerely loving at this time both of them. I know that few people will understand this, but I simply felt an inexpressible delight when I loved two people - a thrill, my blood was boiling, I felt happy. Although I naturally understood that such behavior was not accepted in society, that they would condemn me if they found out, so I tried not to let anyone into my personal life, even my closest friends. I didn’t consider myself a promiscuous and fallen woman) It seems to me that I’ve been like this since birth, at least already in kindergarten I wore one dress, but always brought a second one with me) I’m a Gemini according to the horoscope, and it’s really like there are two different personalities living in me , I can’t stand the monotony, I sincerely don’t understand how you can work at a job where you have to do monotonous work, I’m mega sociable, very open, I need new acquaintances like air, my hobby is people. At 24 I got married. Unexpectedly for myself and those around me. Every year of our life, I watched our relationship with surprise, as if from the outside, and surprised myself. I lived with one man for 10 years, gave birth to his children, supported him in his career and building a house. She didn’t cheat, although men were always around. I must say that my husband is a wonderful person, an honest, devoted, caring father and loving man. He is calm, reasonable, a little phlegmatic. And after 10 years of marriage, I suddenly clearly realized that I did not love and never loved my husband. I respect you, yes. I appreciate it, yes. I admire it, yes. I want him to raise his children and continue to love me, yes. I want to grow old next to him, yes. But I no longer want him as a man, he is not disgusting to me, no, but there is no orgasm and no pleasure from the process either. But sex is not the most important thing in marriage! - deeply married women will say, and they will be partly right. But I love sex, I love emotions in sex, I love experiments, which my husband categorically does not accept. And in general, I must say, he is very conservative in this matter. Yes, he admires my appearance, my beautiful legs, he likes my beautiful underwear, but that’s all. He is not interested in new places for sex, neither are positions, he knows about foreplay remotely, but if he tries to do something, I see that he is not interested in it and seems even lazy. In general, sex with my husband has become a duty. But I! I love sex passionately, and after thirty I began to be tormented by a continuous desire, a desire for quality sex. Key word - quality. In this regard, thoughts about treason began to appear more and more often. And these thoughts haunt me. They torment me, get into my head every day, and don’t let me sleep peacefully. I haven’t done this yet, and already now I feel guilty for my desires. Every day has become torture for me, I am tormented, should I take this step or be honest and divorce my husband? But children? His love for me, his plans? How am I going to give this up? Deprive children of their father for the sake of good sex? Probably stupid too. Stifle your desire, buy a vibrator and sex toys? There is already, everything is not the same. Sometimes I even have terrible thoughts - if only my husband would go outside, then I could do the same. Because of all these thoughts and experiences, I began to take less care of the house and children, and fell into some strange state of apathy. I don’t know what I want to hear from commentators, naturally not approval and blessings for betrayal, but suddenly someone had a similar situation, maybe someone experienced similar emotions, any opinion is important to me. Thank you
Hi all)
I used to like experimenting with sex. There was little that stopped me; I chose people to meet carefully. Intuition worked, there were no incidents.
In most cases, I was surprised by stories about negative encounters when a man began to harass/beat, etc. But I always knew that caution was necessary.
After some time, an acquaintance appeared, we met a little, and experimented. At this point, close communication ended, sometimes they wrote off, once they even offered a job. One day we met, had dinner and went home. But after some time he stopped the car and started pestering me. My no didn’t work, neither did my attempts to break out. But when he realized that I was not joking, he stopped, apologized and took me home.
Then the rule “no is no” broke down. For the next few months, I could not communicate normally with men. I remember I almost fell asleep after one date. We sat for only half an hour over coffee, after which I got up and realized that I was falling asleep and was about to pass out. After some time it became easier.
About 2 years have passed since that incident, and everything seems to have been forgotten. But problems arose in the experiments. You could say I abandoned everything. I have no fantasies, I have no desires to date. I don’t like it when they push their interests, it seems to me that they are pushing my boundaries. And even if my no is slightly violated (for example, by taking my hand and holding it when I say no), then it starts to bomb me very hard.
I want to have fantasies again, so that there aren’t any imaginary restrictions that prevent me from simply returning to the old ways.
Let me make a reservation right away: there is sex, but it seems bland to me. There is an opportunity to experiment, but in most cases it is only an opportunity, because I find reasons why not.
The question is simple - how to return to your previous lifestyle?
Over time, I came to the conclusion that Love and Sex are not the same thing. The idea is the following: to love means to worry, sympathize, be happy for another person, etc.
Sex is intimate intimacy, not necessarily associated with love for the person with whom this intimacy occurs.
In most cases, girls do not accept such logic, but still, despite this, they open up very sincerely in bed without this very love. For example, when a husband cheats on his wife. The one with whom the betrayal occurs knows that the man is a “stranger”, knows that she has no love with this person, but the sex is simply wonderful.
Love and sex can be with one person, but this is not at all necessary. Can such an idea be a justification for an open relationship?))
Hi all. I live with my wife in her apartment. Together for 4 years, married for one year. Recently, problems with sex have begun, although I have always had little of it, my temperament is the same, but before I somehow managed to find compromises. There were scandals on this basis. Recently she said that she was most likely a lesbian, I packed my things and drove off to my parents. I was gone for a day. Then we decided to work on ourselves and went to a family consultation with a psychologist. The main problems that have surfaced. After sex, she often developed cystitis and therefore penetration is associated with fear, hence the thoughts about homosexuality. Plus, she can generally do without sex, it’s not there, she’s fine. She likes to have sex, but in the process. The body does not get excited during the caress, but when it all started, she feels good. She experiences orgasm only from caresses. Plus she has a stressful job that she has to keep track of for days. She supported me for a year while I was sick and came to my senses.
She doesn’t like the monotony that I show little attention and affection outside of sex. This can all be solved, but she doesn’t want anything at all. She is cheerful and everything is fine, but it bothers me when she walks around naked. Masturbation doesn't really help, for a couple of hours. I can find a mistress, but I don’t want to, and plus my wife doesn’t accept it. We love each other and, in principle, there are no unsolvable problems except this one. I feel like a hostage. And I can’t satisfy myself normally and all my thoughts revolve around this. And yes, my mother died three months ago, I also think about it constantly and it affects my mood.
We are diagnosed. I have anxiety neurosis, I take antidepressants, my wife was diagnosed with depression, she stopped taking amitriptyline, and after that her desire completely disappeared, maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe it was the pills.
The psychologist also said that we have some unnecessary things in the first place, that I should be there. Mine dissolved a little in her, I stopped doing my favorite things, gave up sports, and gained weight. But it started after the pills.
On New Year's Eve, it is customary to make wishes while the chimes ring. Our accomplices from Kamchatka and the Far East will be the first to do this, then Siberia, the Urals, the Volga region, Moscow, St. Petersburg, and Sochi will join them. New Year will come to European capitals and overseas cities on the American and Australian continents.
We are in different countries and different socio-cultural circumstances, but here, at Psychologists Ourselves, we are together. Someone has returned from a corporate party, someone is baking Napoleon, someone is sending congratulations, someone is thinking through an outfit and preparing to receive guests, someone still doesn’t know where to go to celebrate, and someone is celebrating the New Year at work. We are all excited and happy, anticipating the holiday and communicating with people we like. Health, happiness, joy, fulfillment of plans, pleasant surprises, strength and kind people nearby to everyone!
For many of us, ru-psychologist is a place where people and destinies are visible in full view. This year we have witnessed many changes, from political to technological and cultural. The RuNet audience in 2016 was 86 million people aged 12 years and older (out of a total of 146 million people). Mobile Internet has become commonplace, according to the principle of “a smartphone in every home.” The popularity of the government services website is coming on the heels of LiveJournal traffic. The main page of LiveJournal is now organized like a media outlet. A rubricator and section “Personal Life” have appeared, where materials about the psychology of relationships are published - a topic in which the ru-psychologist has always been an opinion leader.
Technologies are updated, new times come, we change, children become older. Other generations of commentators and participants are coming to the community. The future opens up broad prospects for us.
Make wishes, and may all your wishes come true! Happy New Year!
Sincerely yours,
Olga Victorovna
Good afternoon, accomplices! Thank you very much for your great help this year. I want to ask you questions (and answer them with you, too, gradually). ...why and how... () Thank you and Happy New Year everyone!
Hello. I ask for help to help me figure it out, I’m looking for an outside perspective. I formulated this post in myself for a very long time in order to show what was happening from the outside as much as possible, so from the beginning I try to be sincere. Everything described here (about my feelings and actions) is indeed true. I'm very confused, please help me. ()
I have already written here several times about problems in relationships. Mostly the problems were of the sort: “everyone seems to be a good man, but for some reason I don’t really know what to do with him.” Now the problem is the opposite. I tried to do something the other way around, so as not to step on the same rake again. I used to choose this way: a man should be such and such, such and such, such and such. With a good job (preferably in the technical field), tall, intelligent, handy, so that he can do everything around the house (install a dishwasher, change tires, etc.). So serious. And I met such people (and wonderful people at the same time), but there was always something wrong.
And then I met a person on a dating site and decided, literally for fun, to go to a meeting. And if I usually get terribly tired after an hour of communication, then this time I sat for 4 hours. It was nothing like the list above. But I felt (and still am) good and comfortable with him. He is from a completely different world, and I find it interesting, it develops me, it opens up a different perspective. But often I start to get scared of this and hear an inner voice: “What are you doing, are you crazy?! You’re losing yourself!” We've been dating for about a month.
He is about seventy meters and bald. He is a vegetarian (I love meat). He is allergic to cats (I adore my cat). He is a musician and cannot drive a car. I understand better than him how to fix something (and I don’t understand well and have always relied on men). He has poorly hung shelves, cornices, etc. at home. (this is strange for me, because men have always done this well). Well, the most unpleasant thing is that he and his friends regularly smoke weed (1-2 times a week, before it was more often). I'm shocked at myself because I'm dating him. I was raised to think that a person who takes drugs is a “drug addict” (there was no difference between weed and heroin, for example, although now I know there is a difference). But it’s still a shock for me (I understand, I’m naive). I myself don’t even smoke cigarettes and drink about a couple of glasses of wine or cocktails a month.
At the same time, he is very pleasant to talk to, kind to me, caring, takes me everywhere, respects my boundaries, gives me a creative incentive. It’s impossible not to mention the wonderful sex - this hasn’t happened in a very long time. He doesn't force anything on me. If I want to go to a show, but he thinks this kind of music is “ugh”, he will still go, smile and say: “No, why, really, let’s go, it’s interesting.” If we have some opinions (political, etc., we disagree, then we can calmly agree to agree on one thing, and not argue about the rest anymore). Does not burden you with your baggage and complaints about the injustice of the world. A positive person.
And now I have an internal conflict. An inner voice says: you're crazy, you're in a dead-end relationship! He cannot live in a house with a cat. And I can't live in a house where they smoke weed. (Well, in order to date, you probably have to think about the long term? Or is it too early in a month?) And the other side seems to be saying - I’ve been dating “the right person” all my life, can I once in my life do what I just want? And the third party seems to be saying, you’re turning 32 in the new year, when will you look for a future husband to have children with him? Come on, go back to the dating site and look for a teetotaler.
In short, I was confused, a very vulnerable state. Only when I'm with him do these worries subside.
I will be glad to any advice. Thank you.
I live in anticipation of my mother's death. I’m 33, she’s 73. I’m scared to the point of panic attacks that she’ll be gone. But at the same time, I'm looking forward to it.
I decided long ago to wait for her death and then live for myself. And while she’s alive, live for her, so that later you don’t suffer from guilt that you didn’t have time to do anything for her.
This is exactly what I dream about - what I will do for myself when she is gone. What I will buy, what repairs I will make. For now, everything is just as she wants. Even her craziest desires.
I'm not married, no children. I have a separate apartment, but 2/3 of the time I live with my mother.
I almost always feel comfortable giving to her at the expense of myself. But sometimes, like now, when I wanted to spend on myself and on gifts, I feel ashamed and, at the same time, hurt and offended for myself.
Yes, and it is so monstrous to wait for the death of another person and make plans in connection with this.
Please help me figure it out.
My son has Asperger's syndrome and an anxiety disorder. He was diagnosed at the same time 5 years ago, now he is 15. And then he was prescribed medication because they said otherwise his psyche might not be able to withstand puberty. I was scared to death then: my psyche couldn’t stand it, which means I might go crazy?! Naturally, I didn’t dare ask such a terrible question. I started giving medications, they did no harm
was there any benefit? I don’t know, I didn’t see such over-anxiety in him compared to my generally anxious family... For two years I looked closely at him and shook with fear from any change in mood and any message from school. Then I calmed down (well, in general, if some specialist tells me that there is at least something not 100% okay with the children, I shake for two weeks after the conversation, then I calm down, although of course I know that they are not neurotypical and therefore not 100%, but when a SPECIALIST speaks, it’s HORROR for me, and if a PSYCHIATRIST speaks, it’s DOUBLE HORROR). And recently, my son has really started to have more fears and anxieties, and strange ones at that... To say that I was scared is to say nothing... But since I saw this, and not a specialist, I didn’t shake too much and more or less worked well. Well, we went to a specialist, he said that the anxiety disorder had worsened, probably due to age, diagnosed OCD and prescribed another medication. Doesn't seem like a big deal, right? But for the second day I have been shaking with fear and working very poorly...
This is the first problem, I am obliged to work well, but I work poorly...
How to work well? Should I take the medicine that was prescribed for my son? Last time I took it, it did help. But now I am taking another permanent medication, God knows whether they are compatible, I need to go to the doctor, two weeks will pass, and in two weeks I will calm down and so on... For the same reason, there is no point in going to a psychologist: there is no money for a serious long-term That’s enough, and sometimes I walked, they calmed me down, but if I didn’t walk, I calmed down and so on...
Second, today I thought that all my son’s fears are actually the same as mine or my father’s. No others. Only my father talks about his own out loud, and I try not to show it with a word or a look... But God knows, he probably still feels it somehow...
So, most of all, from the moment they said “the psyche may not stand it,” I’m afraid that I might go crazy, lose control, do something bad... And he’s afraid of going crazy, losing control, doing something bad . That's why they gave me OCD. I fear for his future. And he too. Dad is afraid for his and his children’s health, and they are told a lot at school: if you don’t lead a healthy lifestyle, you’ll get sick. And he is afraid of getting sick, in particular (not without reason) of inheriting his father’s
health problems...
It would seem that I should be happy: it’s just OCD, he won’t go crazy, he won’t do anything bad. But for some reason my fear of 5 years ago was revived in full. I keep thinking: why another medicine. Is the psyche really so bad that it can’t handle it any other way?! But what if he already lives separately and forgets to take his medicine, suddenly something bad happens...
It’s not enough to kill me for these stupid thoughts!
Surely I also have an anxiety disorder, but not a constant one, but a two-week type... caused only by the words of specialists... some kind of nonsense...
There are normal mothers who truly believe even in special children, and the children grow up confident and happy. And I... In short, how can I stop worrying in order to work well and not pass on anxiety to my children? Thank you.
Good afternoon.
I ask for understanding, criticism and advice. I write sincerely, and most likely many will not like my path in life.
I am 33 years old, I am a widow with a small daughter and without completed higher education.
At school, everything was easy for me and I was an excellent student. In the 9th grade, I didn’t want to study, I played truant with a group of teenagers and the teachers were amazed at how it happened. Later, I entered college as an accountant.
It was also not bad, but I didn’t have much zeal. I graduated without C grades. College was in another city, I traveled back and forth by train. I got up at 5 in the morning, arrived at 8 in the evening. No, I wasn’t tired, I’m just explaining. My dad is quiet a drunkard, and throughout my entire adult life, although now he has reached a different level - now he has a different reality, which sometimes does not coincide with reality. Mama Commandant) That says it all.
I have a sister, the age difference is 5 years. At one time, I took her to and from kindergarten and cooked for her. Frankly speaking, they loved my sister more. I understand this now due to the circumstances, but then I didn’t really understand it.
If you remember my teenage period and youth, I really infuriated my parents with night parties and an unhealthy lifestyle (exclusively alcohol).
At 19, I got married for the first time, not for love. I really wanted freedom from my parents. Freedom turned out to be not sweet. At first we lived with my husband and his family (I won’t hide it, then friends still came first), then they sent us away to Moscow so that my husband could study and I would enroll. I entered, studied for a year and became a waitress; my husband, on the contrary, dropped out of school and got bored. I don’t really remember how it happened, but I was the only one working.
Then divorce. Divorce is the cause of jealousy. Mine. Not unreasonable.
Then a strange path of strange companies, a lot of alcohol and a lot of untidy things and I met my husband. He was, firstly, a man of the law, and secondly, a real man. I was behind him like behind a stone wall. He protected me even from his own parents. We gave birth to a child. A year later he died.
I can hardly put into words what I experienced. In addition to his main job, he had a business. It was a tough, masculine business. After his death, I had no choice but to get down to business. To do this, I lied and deceived a lot, turning everyone against everyone, if only I could get something
My husband was a very generous person, he helped his parents with a house for their summer cottage, he treated my mother well, always with gifts, and it means a lot to me that my mother was happy. Although he told me to my face that you were not particularly liked and always compared I was beaten by a dog in the family. But it was a joke and I always said at the end, “I’ll sing now, like in a cartoon.”
He was gone. It was a shock to me, and especially to my mother, that the huge apartment belonged to his mother, and all the lands and summer cottages according to the deed of gift. As you yourself understand, my daughter and I only got what was given to him during his lifetime. My mother-in-law kicked me out of the apartment, although after a while she threw all the blame on her mother, they say, it was her parents who ordered it. I forgave a long time ago, my mother-in-law’s mother died a year ago and, despite the insults, I brought my daughter and great-grandmother to say goodbye.
Life got a little better, but the business brought in income, literally a little for living. And I didn’t really want to do it much. Sometimes it was empty, sometimes it was dense. But it was very dense) And I’m a bad leader, and an even worse business executive
In the end, things didn’t go well, but there was enough for bread. Later I met a man 3 years younger. By the way, what does the respected community think about the age difference not in favor of a woman?
It’s just new to me and has never happened before, and I haven’t seen any examples
In a nutshell, the person was an alcoholic, I coded it. The person did not strive for anything, but now there is a basis and he is moving. I firmly insisted that all the “tools” (for example, websites) are in my hands, because it was like that in the beginning and I created them myself or it was an inheritance. As a result, that day I was returning home with the child alone (we were visiting his parents).
Moreover, in his words, I am the aggressor and I am bringing him down.
This situation really bothered me, but what bothered me more was that upon his return (and I couldn’t refuse, because I came for things and they don’t kick out the dog, etc.), he went to complain to my parents, said that I was drunk, etc. at one time I told him that I had such a problem). In general, for some reason (although I understand why) my parents believed him and only later were able to prove that this was not so
I understand that it is very chaotic.
I am concerned about 2 things. As I understand it, the relationship with this martyr is a little wrong and I’m afraid that he is using me.
Secondly, these are my parents. Only now I began to understand that there was never any support from them.
I feel worthless and a little unadapted to reality.
Perhaps I need a psychologist.
Thank you all for the comments.
3. The discovery of a set of dichotomous traits (the so-called Reinin traits), which make it possible to increase the reliability of determining the type of a particular person by an order of magnitude and, most importantly, have no less importance in a person’s mental and behavioral acts than the extraversion/introversion, logic/ that we have already briefly discussed. ethics, sensory/intuition and rationality/irrationality.
I will not consider socionic models in my essays. I’ll write something about intertype relationships, but later. For now, I will dwell on Reinin’s characteristics (which include the so-called Jungian dichotomies already discussed in previous essays). Some (few) of these signs were noted by Jung when writing his work “Psychological Types,” although he did not dwell on them, being satisfied with the extroverted and introverted attitudes of consciousness and two pairs of mental functions (thinking - feeling and sensation - intuition).
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